So now that I have published a book, I feel like I am trying to merge two identities, and things might get a little confusing. So I want to have this post explain a little bit about what is going on for any new travelers to the squeaky world of Jess and Paula.

My name is Jessica Smith. I publish under a pen name of Paula Jean Ferri. The two names are interchangeable in my mind though. While I was born as Jessica, around the age of 17, I developed a new lifelong friend, who I affectionately call Paula. Her name is a little more searchable than mine is. Besides, I probably wouldn't have had anything to write about without her, so she became the author.

Feel free to wander the blog and discover a little more about Paula's antics. I am also on Medium writing as often as I can between my three outlets (books, blog and Medium). I would LOVE to hear more about you and any questions you may have. Please send an email to Paulajeanferri@gmail.com.

Last, but CERTAINLY not least... I can't thank you enough for visiting!! I LOVE that you are here and hope to see more of you! Be sure to keep up to date on my website:

paulajeanferri.com

Sad Week Updates

Hey there friends! This week has been kind of crazy for me. I'm writing this away from home, I am attending the funeral of a friend of mine. So there are plenty of distractions and today's post will be short. 

Sad update: I was contacted by the chateau and there is a large group wanting to book every single room the same week I want to be there. 

I had no paid guests and crickets when I asked for an update from people. I had no ability to pay the deposit required with the signing of the contract, so I bit the bullet and withdrew. Here's to hoping it can happen next year when I have some more dedicated fans of the novel and a bit more time to prepare. 

Meaning the book launch party will be moving to somewhere a bit more local. I'm not sure exactly where yet. I'll be sure to update you when I have more information, but know I'm working on still planning an amazing book launch party in August.

Since I already have the time scheduled off work, I will still do a reading retreat in connection with it. 

Again, I'll let you know when I have the info I need. But, at the same time since I'm no longer planning an international retreat, I'm feeling much better about being able to focus on actually finishing the novel since I'm behind schedule there.

So I made a whoops this week. I was all excited about some portraits I had commissioned of my characters from the novel. We had done some preliminary work and I thought I had received the final version. 

Tuns out, it was actually still a rough version. Which I learned when he sent final versions of Em and her sister. 

I had loved them before, but wow, I adore these updated versions! I don't have them all back yet, so in the meantime, here are the preliminary sketches I thought were the final versions. 

Silly me even printed them up and framed them! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, I've got to get to work on the Kickstarter!

I'm behind. I was hoping to launch that on the 25th after getting feedback from a group of authors who have run successful campaigns. So it will be more like the beginning of March. It's right around the corner, so I have to get my tail in gear!

So Many Updates!

Whoops, sorry I missed last week friends, I was working a craft fair. Usually, there is a bit of downtime and I'm able to still get the blog post up, but I was surprised at how busy this fair was! 

Especially considering the low foot traffic, but those that were there, we had some great conversations and opportunities come up. 

Good news, I was asked to speak to a local writing group! 

Also this week, things at work have been improving and I'm loving that. 

Then while in conversations this week with a friend who started a local book festival, I learned that she is taking a step back and there is now an opening on the local board. That board met yesterday and discussed me being a part of it and I was accepted!

I am not the newest member of the Bookmarked Literary Festival! So maybe I didn't need one more thing on my plate, but at the same time, I'm excited to get to volunteer thanks to a job that is supportive of the community. 

I also managed to finally figure out how to get my email list up and running, so I'm hoping to start making email updates more consistent. I sent one out recently, but today's email is going to be very special!

You see, I have commissioned art for Madamn and have portraits of 4 of the main characters. There will be a total of 7 scenes throughout the book with art illustrations.

My husband indirectly gave me the idea. You see, he bought a book from a local thrift shop with an inscription dated Christmas day 1872. This book had illustrations throughout in the following style:

The collector's edition of Madamn will have them colorized, while the regular editions will be black and white. 

If you would like to be on this list to receive early access to fun stuff like this, you can sign up HERE. 

Or you could keep your eyes peeled. I'll share them here eventually. 

For this coming week, I should have my Kickstarter up and running, so be sure to watch for that to go live as well. There will be all sorts of exclusive goodies available, so I recommend following and getting notified when that goes live. 

You can do that from this link HERE.

Life Cycles and Lessons

This week was a crazy one for me. After 2 incredible weekends that were incredibly productive, yet restful, the stress of this week has me completely lacking in motivation. 

It's not even that anything incredibly stressful happened at work this week, though it was incredibly stressful. It has more to do with relationships. They are so complex. I have one coworker in particular that is a struggle to work with. And what makes it even more complicated is I do genuinely like this person. 

Yet I find myself struggling to speak up around them, belittled by them, they complain about me to our boss... and now is going to become my boss. 

I'm happy for them. They absolutely have the know-how to do this job, it's the people skills I wonder about. 

Again, relationships are complex. 

Especially considering most of it is my own shortcomings. I have worked incredibly hard the past few months to become a better employee and to make sure I'm doing my job the best I can. I feel like I have made huge improvements. 

So the job is not the issue. 

The issue is my inability to stand up for myself. 

It has been a long standing issue of mine. I've actually come a long way there, too. 

However, life tends to work in cycles that always take us to a new level and can raise us to new heights if we are willing to put in the incredibly hard work. It would be so much easier if I were to just walk away.

I know I have that privilege and that capability. I've at least come that far in my life lessons. I have options. it took me a long time to stop feeling trapped and knowing that I am capable of finding another job and finding other ways to earn income. 

However, I also do legitimately enjoy the job I do and it has amazing perks and benefits. I want to stay. Which means I have to do the hard thing. I have to learn to speak up for myself. 

But boy, has that created some incredible emotional blocks and a lot of tears. My poor, supportive husband has been wonderful in all of this. 

And while I know what I need to do, actually doing the hard thing is another story. This is going to be a process. 

Because I don't have enough going on OUTSIDE of the job that is pushing me.

So we will see what happens.

The Thing About Momentum

I've noticed something this week about momentum. It's like a big rock rolling down a hill and it builds and picks up speed as you go when you are consistent.

I've made so much progress this week and I'm thrilled about how well things are moving. Not only did I get a bunch of writing/editing in this week, but I've been on a roll designing graphics to promote things, I've gotten some great feedback on my Kickstarter project, and most exciting of all, I've finally started working with the artist to create some character art!

There will also be about 7 illustrations that go into the novel itself. 

And in the deluxe edition, they will even be colored instead of in black and white. Things are starting to move along quite quickly and it's fascinating to watch. 

Since I've got all of this momentum, I'm going to use it. Short post today so I can start working on all the things! Have a marvelous week!

Things are Getting Real

This week has been a doozy. I was dealing with a bit of burnout first of all, so that was a struggle at first, but then, I noticed something that I want to do a bit more of a deep dive into, because it's very telling about where I am and where I'm headed.

My husband and I don't fight. We are both very good about talking about things that are bothering us and we discuss them. I did almost pick a fight this week. Not intentionally, mind you. I love my husband a lot. So when there were things that were bothering me, I pointed them out.

Except, in our discussion about why these things were bothering me and how I feared it would make us grow apart, he pointed out that this is something that *both* of us do, and if I didn't allow him this, it would be the thing that actually would drive us apart. 

He was right, as hard as it was to admit, but I am headed towards some big and exciting growth. Life is about to become even more wonderful, and if anyone has ever read The Big Leap,  you know that sometimes we think we can only handle so much happiness and we wait for the other shoe to drop. 

When it doesn't, we subconsciously decide to give it a bit of help and sabotage things. We thrive in the chaos. Somehow we have reached a point where we can't sit in peace and be comfortable. Because this 100% is not just me. 

It is me, especially in this instance. But it is also society as a whole. I totally recommend The Big Leap for anyone wanting to make big steps forward without losing the good things you already have. 

I want to have a family with my husband and know how wonderful he is, he had been the biggest support, but as I get closer to the launch of my big projects, I find myself more irritable towards him rather than leaning into his support. 

Not due to anything he has done, but my own fears that success with change things. But the truth is, it will only change what I let change. I can have my cake and eat it, too.

While we don't hear of them often, there are plenty of successful, even famous, couples who are happy together and stay together. I aspire to be one of them.

I've waited a long time for a relationship as wonderful as the one I have with my husband. I've put in a lot of work and waited a long time for all of my work to come to fruition. 

I'm ready for the next level. With my husband at my side.