Wow, how has it been another week already? I might be one of few people who feels like January has flown by.

There are times when I feel like working a full time job really constricts my ability to do the things that I want to do.

I want a clean house, I want a finished novel, I want to wake every morning without an alarm and feel rested, I want to exercise and cook better meals, I want to be out in the sunshine now that we are having a mini heat wave.

My time feels so limited and I'm amazed at how much of a physical adjustment this really is for me. It is helping me to become more focused during the time that I do have and I can be much more productive, but it is still really hard some days to make myself go to work. 

I even quite love my job. Had I started working at a bank before I published a book, I might still be saying, "Someday I'd like to publish a book."

It's so easy for me to feel confused and conflicted these days and I'm still trying to figure out so many things. 

It can be really hard to carve a space for yourself when there are so many boxes already created. The banker box, the writer box, the wife and mother box...

I want all of them. So I have to do some heavy renovations, which isn't always easy. 

Some days it just feels easier to allow myself to slide easily into one of the pre-arranged boxes and simply play the part. 

But I've seen better. And I want that.

I'll keep you updated as I try to figure out a better way to do this, but for now, I'm exhausted and it's a lot of hard work.

Madamn Update

I don't think I had any idea just how much went into writing a novel.

Sure, I've written and published 4 books, but they were nonfiction. Those were relatively easy.

There is so much more to writing a novel, especially a historical fiction one. I spent so much time today just trying to get a decent timeline aligned. 

There are so many details to cover. In chapter 1 alone, which I spent this morning working on, had to make sure I lined up ages with Napoleon's 100 days and the leading up to the battle of Waterloo, learning that the summer of 1815 felt like winter due to a volcanic eruption in Indonesia. 

I had to change the year and a few detailed lines of description and dialogue before I could even worry about the character's introductions and personalities and leading into character development. 

This novel is important to me. I want to get it right.

But wow does it hurt my brain sometimes. 

And I worry about how long it is going to take me to finish and to get it released. Originally the plan was to release it August 22 of 2023. Which I obviously missed. 

August 22 is my main character's birthday and I want to publish it on that day. Will I make it by 2024? I'm no longer sure. I thought another year would be enough time, but some of these details just don't add up. Not to mention the lack of detail I have to add to the descriptions, the character development, etc. 

Pray for me. 

Send help.

Something. 

Paula Strikes Again!

It's been a long time since I've done a Tourette story post. 

So the fun thing about working a new job is having new stories from new people as they get introduced to Paula and get used to her. 

I've been at this new job now for about two months. Some people are already getting used to her. For example, my supervisor Amanda asked to meet with me for a check in and to see how I'm doing with onboarding and touch base about how I'm adjusting and fitting in, which left Bethany alone on the teller line for a few moments.

Amanda was telling Bethany where we would be if she needed us, but told her, "Don't yell for us though, I'm so used to Jessica screaming that I just ignore it now."

This has now become the joke around the office, don't yell, we'll just think it's Jessica or Paula screaming and ignore it.

I love my new coworkers.

Off to an Ambitious Start

New Year's Day I got ambitious. 

I downloaded a new app on my phone so I could scan and have a record of all the books that I own. I've been buying a lot of duplicates and I don't want to do that anymore.

Problem is, I already have a LOT of books. 

So far, I have scanned 836 TITLES, as in, that's not counting the duplicates I have found.

The crazy part is, I am not done. 

Even crazier, the app won't really register all the journals that I have, both full and empty. I have in my possession 21 journals that I have filled. Those are just the ones here with me, not currently with my parents. 

And it doesn't count the empty journals (or notebooks) that I also have. I haven't counted those yet, so I don't know what that number is. When I have a total, I'll let you know, but for now, this project consumes me. 

Short entry today, but I have to know my final total!

The curiosity is probably the only thing making me move forward on this project, because I'm kind of over it...

But at least it will be done and I will have a record of all my books!

Scanning them as they come in will be MUCH easier to deal with.