Timing is a funny thing, don't you think? 

Remember how just a few days ago I was upset because I had been let go from a job?

Turns out, I now have a job offer. 

It's been ONE WEEK. I'm actually kind of impressed. 

During my interview yesterday, I was told they would want another week or two to continue to interview applicants and make a selection. Then I got a call this morning from them offering me the position. 

I was shocked to say the least.

Everything happened so very fast. It's almost like it was meant to be in a lot of ways. This job is going to be a much better fit for me, something I might even be willing to do long term because the benefits are simply awesome. Better than any job I've ever had (and trust me, I've had a few).

But what is really sending me is the timing. This job that is such a great fit was not available 2 months ago when I was looking for a job. Finances had been so very tight and my husband and I needed the extra income. 

I was able to get some extra income, then was let go at the exact time that this position was available.

I'm a bit nervous about it since it is a full-time position. I haven't had one of those in several years. But I did write books 1, 2, and 3 while working full time, so it should be ok, right?

I wonder if it will be ready in time or if I will have to delay again. It's hard to say, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, I might have to go down to just one blog post per week. I've been doing really well with multiple, but that was part time. I'll see what I can do.

Back At It

 Ok, so crazy story.

When I first graduated from college, I looked all over to find a full time job and enter the workforce. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to go and work!

But the only jobs I could find were part time. If they were hiring at all. It took me a while to finally break into the working world.

What I find funny is now that I run my own business and want a part time job to supplement my income, there are lots of people hiring, but only full time. And that's almost a non-negotiable because they are short staffed. 

I was talking with my neighbor yesterday and the company she works for is only hiring full time because she is working 12 hr shifts. Her coworker was just about to finish 24 hours of working.

Which shocked me, I would have thought that was illegal, pulling 2 12 hr shifts back to back like that.

But that's not a company I want to work for.

It's crazy how much times have changed. I'm not sure what it would look like for me to go back to work full time again. I haven't done that since 2020. I feel very fortunate that I haven't had to. 

It does make me wonder if I could do more with my own business. I would love to do it full time if I felt I could make a living off it. 

I'm just not sure I'm there yet.

Part of that is likely my own insecurity and shying away from the actual sales part that would bring me the income. 

So I'll keep at it while I'm job hunting and see what I can manage. 

BUT if you feel like supporting, remember that I do have 4 published books you can purchase, as well as an online course for Creativity. 

All are available on my website: paulajeanferri.com

Life Update Yet Again

 Life changes so very quickly.

I woke up tired this morning. I didn't want to go to my part time job as a dental assistant, but at least it was a half day, right?

After work, I was scheduled for my 6 week evaluation. 

It went well, I knew all the names of the tools, I have been improving and I know mostly what I'm doing and I'm ready to go chair side... 

But. 

I was let go. 

First of all, I must say that I have never been let go from a job before. Honestly, that was the most surreal part. 

I knew being a dental assistant was a stretch and a large difference from my usual type of job. And overall, I was doing really well at it. 

The dentist is a friend of mine and I'm not upset by his decision at all. It made complete sense (even if it doesn't sound like it here... there are things that affected this decision that aren't shareable and I respect that). 

I'm mostly weirded out, because I leave jobs voluntarily. This is new and weird. Again, not bad... just a bit nerve wracking in regards to having to find another job and the financial aspect of things. 

I'm sitting here just wishing I was already there, you know? Madamn was published and selling millions of copies worldwide, that I am also selling merch for my books, my reading retreats are so full I have to do multiple per year just to keep up with the demand, and I get to still do smaller writing projects for friends, and overall in control of my life.

The thing is, I know I will get there. It's just making sure things are stable in the meantime.

I don't mind losing the job. I mind the loss of financial security it provided. 

So off I go again, searching for a new job.

Wish me luck and pray for me y'all.

For the Love of History

You know what I love about history?

Understanding myself and where I come from.

I think that gets overlooked a lot.

Like, sure, I have Tourette syndrome, and having a name for it helps, but I love knowing that this isn't a new thing.

This has been around for almost a century and a half.

The first recorded case (and the reason we have a diagnosis) was a woman in 1800's France. Not only that, she was a countess, shortly after the French Revolution when relations between the classes were tense at best.

AND she had the swearing form of Tourette's called Coprolalia.

As I've studied her life preparing for this novel, I have LOVED seeing how she never hid.

We have records of her cussing out Napoleon's son. We have records of her nicknaming Jean Menier, founder of the Menier chocolate factory in France "Baron Cocoa."

When I was first diagnosed, I read of people who met in church basements with the lights off to have support groups for those with TS.

I found many FB groups on social media, where the only real discussion was medication and side effects and wishing for a cure.

While it's can be argued this was because of her upper class title, keep in mind how many rules the noblesse in France had to follow. Or how nervous they might have been to make a misstep at the risk of loosing their heads.

It should also be noted that these interactions were more commonly known as she aged. it is a confidence that she grew into, and I love that.

We don't always start out confident in the things we do, but we can get there.

This woman and her history fascinate me.

Her parents and grandparents... her family line each faced trials and struggles that inspire me.

It hurts that her story was lost for so long, but oh, what a privilege to rediscover this woman and her uncredited mark on the world.

It's coming soon. Not soon enough, I grant you, but soon. 

Nostalgia

Yay, a blog post with photos!! And there will be a LOT of them. I couldn't narrow it down.

I've been seeing a lot of posts on social media from friends that I used to work with. For a time, I worked at the Polynesian Cultural Center in Laie, Hawaii, which just celebrated it's 60th Anniversary.

Friends are posting pictures of a time and place that changed me so much. 

When I stop and think about it, it wasn't always that great of a place to work. I was, after all, a white student from the mainland, and many of the jobs were a work-study exchange program for college students coming from all over the world, so my job often hung in the balance depending on how many intern spots were needed.

But overall, I loved my time at the PCC. All I really think of is all the wonderful people that I met there, being in the sunshine, learning how to weave hats, headbands, and balls out of coconut leaves, watching the shows, the yummy food, and learning and growing so much as a person.

That time in Hawaii in general was just so good for me in every aspect of my life. Fun fact, that's where I was when I first started my blog about all the funny stories I had with my Tourette syndrome, shortly after I was diagnosed over there.

It's where I first met my now husband, though at the time, he was simply my best friend and we knew that dating was a bad idea. 

It's where I first failed-hard- and lost just about everything important to me.

It's where I learned to build a life I actually wanted. 

It's where I learned that I wasn't crazy for the weird things I had thought as a child. We had entire class discussions about stories and their importance.

It's where I wrote my paper on Tourette syndrome and how it affects communication, which eventually became my first book.

Hawaii has my heart for helping me become the person I am today. 

Writing the Hard Things

I decided to kill two birds with one stone here. I get to make a new blog post AND procrastinate!

Listen, I like writing, I really, really do.

I got up this morning and simply journaled for an hour. Then I was reminded that I have a letter to write and I am NOT looking forward to it. 

I haven't posted much about it here, but if you know me and have followed me for a while, you know that my brother was murdered in December of 2019. 

I have had siblings pass away before. When I was 10, I had a brother that was stillborn. When I was in college, an older half-sister (that I had met all of once when I was in middle school) died by suicide. Both were really hard experiences.

But to have a brother that I had lived with for 30 years in such a violent and tragic way really shook me to my core. It's still hard to think about. Which I do, often. 

Unfortunately, it comes up even more often because my parents chose to be involved with the court case against his murderer.

First of all, this case was very drawn out because it happened right before the world shut down and had to adjust for the Rona. 

To be honest, in a way, it was a huge blessing for me that the world had to shut down with me. I wasn't really functioning yet. Staying home to cry all day was incredibly helpful.

It wasn't helpful in that this court case got pushed back time and again. 

So by the time she was finally convicted in 2021, we were able to find some solace and reprieve.

But not much.

She is already up for parole. 

For the murder of my brother. 

Because she and her family bullied the one witness into not testifying in court. The poor woman who witnessed all of this said she gave the lawyers everything they needed and would not appear in court.

So it became a game of he said, she said. And she got off ridiculously easy. 

The point of this blogpost was to try and ease me into the right headspace, but it didn't help. I've cried writing this already. 

I really don't want to write this letter, but I want the letter to be written.

Guess I ought to get it over with and see if any of the rest of my day is salvageable, or if I'll be curled up in a cocoon bawling my eyes out. 

Ramblings of a Writer

 Do you ever have those days with a lot on your mind, but you don't know what it is?

Like there aren't even coherent thoughts, just the undercurrent of something you can't put your finger on, and it just weighs on your mind and heart as something moves so quickly you can't seem to catch it?

That's me today. 

So I might simply be rambling for a bit today.

It's funny, I don't think I would have even caught that feeling if I hadn't just gotten a phone call from my husband. He passed me on Main Street- he honked and everything- and I didn't see him. I don't know where my mind was. 

Maybe it was on the car in front of me as we waited for pedestrians to cross. Maybe it was something simple as turning on my blinker to turn off Main.

But while I was focused on my driving, something else must have had my attention to not hear my husband honk or see my big gold behemoth of a vehicle. 

Maybe I'm lost in the beauty of fall in Wyoming. Maybe it's more than that.

I honestly couldn't tell you.

But I feel it. I feel movement as my brain simply goes into auto pilot. 

I type these words, still not sure what is even on my mind. 

My brain feels hyperfocused without being focused. Is that a thing?

If I were to fall asleep and take a nap right now (and trust me, I'm tempted), I would have some crazy dreams, I'm sure of it. 

So my goal for today is simply to find some kind of focus and try to get at least a little bit of work done. but naptime isn't far away, I assure you.