So this post is about to go deep, guys. I've been doing some serious soul searching the past couple of days. I've come to realize just how much Paula has helped me with some of my biggest insecurities. I mean, they are still there, but she's made them a little less prominent. I'm suddenly completely overwhelmed with gratitude for this trait that some call a burden, disease or problem.

So here's the thing. One of my biggest fears as a human being is being forgotten. The worst part is, this has actually been something that I've dealt with, and more often than I like to admit. Growing up, I heard things from people I considered friends, "Oh, I forgot you liked this," or "Oh, yeah, you were there, too, weren't you?" Yes, yes I do like that and thanks for remembering I was standing right next to you.

I'm fairly forgettable. Which is quite tragic. No one should be forgotten. Everyone has purpose and talents and skills and stories. And it hurts when you are, you know? Time and time again, I heard similar phrases growing up. It's now deeply embedded in me that I'm forgettable and unimportant. Which is not true, I know that now. It was a long road, though, and sometimes it still gets me.

As I look back on this process though, and how far I've come, there was a defining moment that started to change things. I can't even remember who it was, though I wish I could and find them to thank them profusely. The only thing I really remember was that someone I didn't know all that well, upon our second meeting said, "Oh yeah, you're the girl that makes the funny noises." I was undiagnosed at the time. I was just so impressed that he even remembered meeting me once. I didn't care about the comment about the noises, that he didn't remember my name... he still REMEMBERED ME!

Then it started to happen more often. And people started to remember my name. They remember the girl who stood out. The one who makes noises and she can't control them. They remember the girl with Tourette Syndrome. And it changed me.



Even this first concept of an idea that I'm someone people can remember, made me want to be someone worth remembering. I've worked hard to do so much more with my life. My life really started once I started making noises. Sure, my family always knew and loved me, weird as they thought I was. Sure, I had friends and people who spent time with me. But it was Paula who started to make the statements. I guess you could say my Tourette Syndrome is kind of like my role model in a weird way.

I'm now making statements right along with Paula. I'm doing cool things, too. I want not only to be remembered but to be someone worth remembering. I want to make a difference. I want to do great and big things with my life. In the simple way that Paula changed mine, I now strive to be that same force for others.

 

This is why I love my Tourette Syndrome so much. She saved me from my greatest fear. She gave me a voice. She gave me confidence. She gave me an identity. I would not be who I am without this quirky trait in my life. It is almost painful to me to see others with it who hate it so much. It can do SO much if you let it.

It's NOT just TS, either. It's any part of you. It is part of who you are and what makes you, you. And how wonderful are you! Now I want to hear your story. Who are you? What makes you, you?

Paula is Jumpy!

Sometimes Paula takes the words right out of my mouth. Most of the time, she does her own thing. She is often far funnier and wittier than I am. However, this is my brain, so it only makes sense that on occasion, Paula can express exactly what I'm thinking. How do you tell when it's me vs my Tourette's? You may never know. Mwahahaha.

But here is a great story for you to show sometimes we do think alike. I'm not typically a jumpy person. I don't scream, though I may flinch when things catch me off guard. This is a tried and tested trait. I have numerous friends who have tried to get me to scream. I just freeze when caught off guard. I must have been a possum in another life...

However, the other day at work, I was walking around a corner at the same time as Brianna.* Of course, we were both startled, but none more than Paula. She screamed. She's a bit of a chicken...


*Name has been changed

Slacking

I'm so sorry I have not been keeping things up to date. Summers just get terribly busy, don't they? I'm working on editing/getting ready to publish book two, working on establishing a business, trying to enjoy the sunshine while I can have the sanity it provides me, working, working overtime, and the list goes on. So there are my lame excuses. The really sad part though is the lack of recording of good stories. I get most of them on here, but I know there was one a few days ago, and I've already forgotten it.

Shame on me.

Paula has been fairly quiet though, too. It just makes me wonder what kind of antics she is up to... She's as bad as a toddler. Quiet is more dangerous than noise...

Paula Likes People

Sundays are my favorite of days. I love the group I go to church with. they are continually inspiring me to be the best version of myself by simply being amazing. They are so giving, aware, intelligent, thoughtful and so much more. They aren't perfect though. So sometimes Paula thinks she has to step in and help out. Or something.

This week's lesson was on service. The discussion leaned towards the little things we can do that make a big difference. The teacher at one point observed, "Sometimes, people aren't very nice." Ohhhhh, Paula was not happy about that. She piped right up with an emphatic, "NO!"

After a few minutes of giggles and laughter, the teacher continued on with the lesson. That didn't last long though. She looked at me again and chuckled a bit more. She even conceded, "I guess I deserve that, people are nice."

Yes, indeed. They are. Sure they aren't perfect. But for the most part, they are pretty wonderful.

Chatterbox

Typical Paula. We know this already. Some days it's more than others though. Yesterday was one of those days. She was there all day long. At first I thought maybe it was the full moon. Weird things happen on the day of a full moon...

Turns out, it was her super-sonic hearing. I really wish she would share that. Even with a hearing aid, I couldn't hear Marcos in the next room talking back to Paula. I guess they had quite the conversation going on.

I missed out, yet again. Paula has all the fun...

Do I Get a Turn?

Paula can really be a brat sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean often. She's getting a little pushy even! Today, she wouldn't even let me get a word in edgewise!

I was leaving work and Paula was saying goodbye to everyone. I noticed that Amy was wearing a super cute dress and I wanted to tell her I thought so. I started to tell her when Paula stopped. Before I could get a word in, Paula started up again and kept going as I stood there awkwardly staring at Amy.

Good thing she knows I'm not intending to be creepy. It gave us both a chuckle when I finally managed to get out what I was trying to say.

Paula does like to be the diva at the center of attention, after all!

Independence Day

So you all know that I'm the type of person that likes to celebrate. I love holidays and will find any excuse to be with people I love. However, I'm finding that this particular holiday, like New Year's, is a solitary holiday for me. It's just so multi-tiered and there are so many things to celebrate.

Sure, it's what we call "America's birthday." I am eternally grateful for the great men who founded this country. No, they weren't perfect, but they put a lot of work into creating a plan that stands as strong as the people behind it. Which on occasion creates a reason for worry. I was born and raised in this beautiful country and its history, thick with stories both tragic and victorious. It's unique. I'm kind of a sucker for

I also have a glorious opportunity to celebrate my own Independence. yesterday I read through a journal depicting the worst summer of my life. Looking at how much I have grown and changed over the years astounded me. The chains that bound me that summer and continue to try to keep me down. Time and again, I fight and on occasion, succeed and realize my personal freedom, no longer held back by past mistakes.

Then there is the fact that it falls just after the halfway mark of the year. Do you remember those New Year's goals you set? What a great time to stop and re-evaluate. I've set some pretty high goals this year. There have to be a few changes made if I'm going to make it. Do I change the goals? Is there something in the process I can change?

For the record, the soundtrack to Hamilton is the perfect background for a day like this. Independence and success despite failures. All day long.

How do you celebrate today?

Christmas in July

I don't know where on earth this came from. Maybe it's her love of parties that come at Christmas. Maybe it's that she was feeling warm and wanted to pretend it was winter to cool off. Maybe it's just that it was early in the morning and she was part delusional. Although, that might have just been me...

Whatever the reason, Paula has started singing Christmas carols. So far, it's only been the first two lines of "Dashing Through the Snow." Given the hot debate that constantly surrounds when it is appropriate to play Christmas music, I hope she (and I!) make it to another Christmas!