I went home this past weekend to spend time with my family. While travelling down the road, I like to stop and spend time with others that are important in my life. On my way down to my hometown of Logandale, I stopped in Cedar City to visit my friend Charli.

Charli and Paula go way back. Paula will always pop up around Charli and can usually get a good story out of it. For the record, it was Charli who named Paula. They are that close. While spending time with Charli, she was telling me about her job and one individual who, although an amazing individual, "doesn't pick up on social cues."

Paula suddenly was conversing. She got quite chatty and I can only assume she was sharing how bad she is with social cues. Which is actually true. I very much am. Which is what made me and Charli laugh all the more. Yeah, thanks for that Paula...

Rant

I don't get upset very often. I'm usually a pretty calm and happy person. Usually. However, every once in a while, I can get a little bit protective. More often than not, that is when I get angry. Luckily, defending Paula gives me a chance to defend myself. Yet another reason I love having her around.

I have had, on more than one occasion, men remark about Paula. It's one thing to say she is cute and endearing and adorable. All welcome words. One word that is NOT welcome is the word sexy. I loathe remarks about my "sexy tics." Just don't do it. Ever. It pisses me off and shuts you out of my life faster than *insert your own awesome metaphor here, because I'm too frustrated to think of anything good.*

I don't tic to turn you on. I tic because I can't help it. If it is something that turns you on, that is your own business, leave me out of it. If you want to flirt, try something with a little more substance. Maybe try having a conversation with me and tell me I'm witty, funny, or smart. You know what, feel free to tell me if I look good in a dress or with nice make up on. I at least have some control over that and it is a reflection of how I want to represent myself. 

Ticcing is like breathing to me, it just comes naturally. So I mean, if you are essentially trying to say that breathing turns you on... that just gets a little too much into the realm of pervert or sex addict for me. I understand that you might not be, but it still makes me uncomfortable. And you know what, maybe others don't share my opinion and that's fine. Maybe they would like to hear that their tics are sexy. Maybe that doesn't give them the heebie jeebies and maybe they won't see you in a negative light for it. To each their own. Everyone is different and that is what makes the world beautiful. But maybe get to know someone a little better first, because that is not all of me, and DEFINITELY not a line you should use on me.

My tics are very much a part of me, but they are not all me. There is more to a relationship than that drive for sex. There is more to ME than that. I am a human being with the ability to think and feel and act. Talk to me about what I want to do, to be, to experience. Tell me about YOUR dreams and hopes and goals. 

I want to know you as a person. I love people, I really do. I would appreciate the same respect. get to know me, and the me I want to be, not just the part of me I can't control.

Just Jess

Paula hasn't been as much of a trouble maker as she usually is, but her absence doesn't mean she is far away. Even without her antics, she manages to make me think. She will show up once in a while. It's not always a fantastic story; it's not always funny or amusing, but still it is an appearance.

I was thinking about those moments, though. It's nothing new. I mean, this is my life. Paula shows up WAY more often than I blog about. The thing is, sometimes, she doesn't even get a reaction anymore. This week at church, during the most silent part of the meeting, she went off. She was nice and loud, too. This time it was different though. There were no giggles. There were no confused looks. There were no whispers of explanation.

There was just... me. And it was beautiful.

I just felt so overwhelmed with this peaceful feeling. I don't need the giggles, though I enjoy it. I don't have access to what others are thinking. All I have is what is in my head and how I feel about it.

I am happy to report that it was a very positive experience.

Taking My Own Advice

Disclaimer: This isn't directly about Paula and her antics. It's more about the things that she has taught me. I've learned a lot. A book's worth in fact. I have gotten wonderful reviews regarding the wisdom Paula has shared with me. I am a more confident person and happy with who I am and what I'm doing.

Most of the time.

There are times I need to learn to take my own advice. Some background... So I live in Salt Lake City. Having come from a small town in southern Nevada, I'm not used to several things, like the elevation, the cold air, or the inversion. For those who don't know about inversion (like I didn't til it made me sick) it's basically all the pollution and car exhaust, etc that gets trapped on the valley floor (like the part I live and work in). 

This air makes me so sick, I have taken to wearing a mask just so I can breathe properly. And I hate it. I'm embarrassed to be seen in it. I feel like I'm being judged as some kind of contaminant. I wear it as little as possible, while still maintaining health. I also feel oddly stripped of my identity. My smile is one of my best features (or so I'm told) and I am a friendly person, smiling at people. You can't see that under my mask.

I got a wake up call and a slice of humble pie this week as I've had to wear it more often and out in public. I have several people, including strangers, tell me how smart I am. One woman even stopped her car to roll down the window and tell me this. 

I've been telling myself the wrong story. I need to take my own advice and not be ashamed of the things I need in my life to keep me healthy and sane. I need to remember that this is a good thing for me, and even inspiring others. A woman at work wore a mask the other day, too. I'm officially a trend setter trying to take care of my health in the icky Salt Lake City air during the winter.

Plus, it keeps my face warm.

Receptionist Duties

They are rough, man. I've had to do that before. It's not an easy job. Yet, I find myself being even more of a brat than Paula is. I should know better. I do know better. I'm just that cruel that I do it anyways...

My chiropractor has a new receptionist. She seems quite nice. She has no idea who I am since she wasn't there for the past year when I was showing up twice a week for help. So when I'm trying to pay my bill and Paula goes off right in her face, I should probably stop and explain...

Do I?

Nope.

I smile and say thank you and am on my way. I'm kind of a brat like that. Maybe next time she'll ask me questions...

Movie Buff

Paula seems to like movies as much as I do. I am very often quoting movies to continue conversations. I'm kind of terrible to watch movies with, because sometimes I will be saying the movies lines right along with the characters. 

Evidently, this is yet another trait I share with Paula Jean. Over the Christmas holiday season, I have to watch the classics. I was watching Home Alone. When Marv goes around the back, slipping on the ice Kevin deviously made on the stairs, Marv makes a funny noise. Paula picked up on my habit of quoting right along with the movie.

Same noise. Same time. She cracks me up. My roommate had to ask if that was me quoting the movie or if it was Paula. 

My Muppet Tribute

I grew up watching the Muppets. I love them.  Kermit and Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Animal, Fozzie... I had many favorites and sometimes I still quote them because they are just classic. Although, this love is apparently rooted a little deeper than I thought. Not only that, but Paula seems to remember more of the less iconic members of the Muppet cast.

Anyone remember Beeker? Here's a refresher if you don't. Paula, when she gets "chatty" sounds a lot like him. She sounds like him, and I have his natural grace and finesse (read- I'm a total klutz).

Then the other day, she got one of their songs stuck in my head. Anyone remember this diddy? Even getting the video, I've started singing along while I'm typing. She'll only do one part at a time. Right now she's singing along with the manamanah dude. The first time she pulled this out of her bag of tricks, she was the cute fuzzy pink aliens singing the " do do do do" part. And it gets stuck in my head. Every. Time. Thanks a lot, Paula.

Game Time!

We all know Paula to be rather playful. I just don't think I ever knew she was such a fan of games, nor that she played them so well...

The other day I had an opportunity to do some service at the Utah chapter's Make A Wish Foundation Building. Afterwards, we were given a tour and were told about the Make A Wish process from beginning to end. Cool opportunity, right?

Here in Utah, in order to find the child's truest wish, there is a board game that the whole family gets to play. There is no winner or loser, and it's no race. It's an interesting sort of game, but I didn't exactly get to read the rule book. But I do remember being shown the cards that get drawn where each member of the family has to participate and gets to learn things about each other. The card that was read as an example was something along the lines of make an animal noise.

Paula does that quite well and gave off a bird cry. After a few giggles from the rest of the group, I asked innocently, "Who's next?' I think we should have continued to play, but there was a lot more to see before we had to leave.

And I may or may not have shed a few tears. I might have to start volunteering some time there... you know, for research or something...

Taming of the Beast!!!

Guys! I did it! For over a decade, I have had Tourette Syndrome. While Paula has become a dear friend and confidant, she has also eluded me and been fairly camera shy in a sense. I have never been able to capture a recording of her. I have been able to explain what she sounds like to an extent, but it's really not the same as hearing her, is it? 

Despite working on phones and having recorded calls for almost two years, she has never shown up. Except this once! I finally have a recording for you to listen to and I'm so excited for you to experience Paula first hand. This is a unique opportunity for those who don't spend much time with me.

I called my roommate over to listen when I finally got it on my laptop. She said, "It sounds recorded." I don't think she realized how hard of a feat this is! I played the whole 6 seconds over and over and over.  Problem is... In blogger, I only have the option to add a photo or a video. Neither of which register the mp3 file that is Paula's debut.

I don't have time in my life to google how right now (My brain is absolutely itching with a new book idea! I can't wait to share this one with you. It's even going to be a series!) BUT, as soon as I have an update about how to get this to you I will, so stay tuned for updates!

Happy 2017!!

I know many people absolutely hated 2016, but it wasn't all that bad for me. It's nothing like 2017 will be though! I have big plans for 2017, and 2016 gave me a great jumping off point. I just went back and read my first blog post of the year and I was proud to see how well I have done. I met, and even exceeded my goals I posted about! Woot!

I did publish my first book, Awkwardly Strong: From Insecure to Inspriational back in August, and I got some wonderful reviews. It was such a rush and I can't wait to do it again this year at least once, but I'm shooting for two more books!

I was certainly more consistent this year, and saw some great results, like losing ten pounds! (It was 15 before the holidays hit, but you know...) My finances are balanced, despite the occasional splurge, and as for my blog... I thought I was reaching high shooting for 50 posts lol! Grand total posts in 2016 was 110... More than double what I was aiming for! That gave me a good giggle. Also awesome result from more posts, I had more views this year alone than 2011-2015 combined. BOOM!

And that's why I love New Year's... On to 2017!

For this year, the trend with my goals tends to be centered on the idea of Focus. While I did some pretty amazing things, I get distracted pretty easily. This year, I need to be focused on the growth of my business and writing. So in addition to the 2 new books, I'm going to remain consistent in my blog writing, as well as reading 80 books this year (I hit 75 in 2016).