This week has been a doozy. I was dealing with a bit of burnout first of all, so that was a struggle at first, but then, I noticed something that I want to do a bit more of a deep dive into, because it's very telling about where I am and where I'm headed.

My husband and I don't fight. We are both very good about talking about things that are bothering us and we discuss them. I did almost pick a fight this week. Not intentionally, mind you. I love my husband a lot. So when there were things that were bothering me, I pointed them out.

Except, in our discussion about why these things were bothering me and how I feared it would make us grow apart, he pointed out that this is something that *both* of us do, and if I didn't allow him this, it would be the thing that actually would drive us apart. 

He was right, as hard as it was to admit, but I am headed towards some big and exciting growth. Life is about to become even more wonderful, and if anyone has ever read The Big Leap,  you know that sometimes we think we can only handle so much happiness and we wait for the other shoe to drop. 

When it doesn't, we subconsciously decide to give it a bit of help and sabotage things. We thrive in the chaos. Somehow we have reached a point where we can't sit in peace and be comfortable. Because this 100% is not just me. 

It is me, especially in this instance. But it is also society as a whole. I totally recommend The Big Leap for anyone wanting to make big steps forward without losing the good things you already have. 

I want to have a family with my husband and know how wonderful he is, he had been the biggest support, but as I get closer to the launch of my big projects, I find myself more irritable towards him rather than leaning into his support. 

Not due to anything he has done, but my own fears that success with change things. But the truth is, it will only change what I let change. I can have my cake and eat it, too.

While we don't hear of them often, there are plenty of successful, even famous, couples who are happy together and stay together. I aspire to be one of them.

I've waited a long time for a relationship as wonderful as the one I have with my husband. I've put in a lot of work and waited a long time for all of my work to come to fruition. 

I'm ready for the next level. With my husband at my side.

The Castle!

What a week! After two weeks with holidays in the middle of them, to have a full work week was simply exhausting! But we made it and here we are! I have absolutely needed this break and am so excited to see what comes of today. It's early yet and I've already had a productive morning.

Highlight of the week, I got to take a virtual tour of the Chateau de Guermantes, which is absolutely stunning. I was given permission to use their photos on my website and socials, but I'm not sure if that includes the blog or not. However, you can see them all on their website as well.

Look at how stunning this place is! 

I can't wait to incorporate all of the details into my novel, but even more importantly, I'm thrilled beyond measure to be going there in August!

If you want to join me, I also finally managed to get the website finalized and you can check out the details here.

I fell a bit behind in a few other things due to some technical difficulties, but those are just about fixed as well. 

Hopefully this week will go by a bit more smoothly, and then I get an extra day off for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day on the 20th, so there will be lots of progress happening soon!

Be sure to follow along and keep an eye out for the details!

Welcome to 2025!

Whoo hoo, we are finally here! We are in 2025, where a lot of BIG dreams and plans are coming to fruition. I'm so excited for this year and have finally allowed myself to start working on something besides my novel.

Which, yes, Madamn still needs work. But I've started having so much fun building my Kickstarter campaign and planning and promoting my book launch/Reader's Escape in Paris. 

You can find the Kickstarter information HERE.

Information about the Paris trip can be found HERE.

I'm so freaking excited that things are finally happening! I'm feeling the pull of the momentum that has been building for years. It's beautiful to feel how excited Em is for her story to be told and finally shared. She is absolutely behind the momentum and it's a beautiful thing to watch.

So be sure to follow along, there will be big things happening during 2025 with no chance of slowing down. 

Also, my husband and I were finally able to celebrate Christmas this week. We had been sick, so the family time got delayed, but I have to share just how lucky I am to have such wonderful family that spoil me so much. 

My parents sent me a neck massager, which I have used pretty much every day since getting it. 

I received a yarn bowl and crochet hooks and blocking mats from my brother in law, his wife gave me looseleaf tea packets, a metal bookmark and page holder.  

My father in law got me a book and wool slippers, while my mother in law gave me socks and a lap desk with a pillow on the bottom. 

My husband gave me a LOT of chocolate and a collector's edition of Madame Bovary. It's SO beautiful and I'm excited to read it. 

The gift that shocked me the most was from my other brother in law who gave me a thermal printer, paper and a cover/carrying case. This thing is so space efficient, which is awesome for my tiny apartment and doesn't require ink cartridges. It works so well, too! 

Anyways, I hope you were as spoiled as I was during the holidays and wishing you a very Happy New Year!

Tourette Syndrome Development!

These days I don't see Paula up to very many new antics. There are new tics, certainly, that's a constant. But even that is to be expected in this constantly changing condition.

However, this week, there was absolutely something that has changed. 

I've known for years that I am lucky enough to not tic during my sleep. I've had roommates who were light sleepers tell me that I do not tic in my sleep. I may snore, but I don't tic.

Earlier this week, my husband told me that he heard me tic while I was sleeping. 

What made it funny was that the tic I did was the one that imitates my boss' RedBull in the mornings. The one that sounds like you are opening a soda can. 

So I guess Paula wanted me to wake up? I'm glad she wasn't successful, but Paula sure is getting demanding.

Christmas is Coming!

I love Christmas. I've been very lucky to have fond memories of Christmas, my parents always worked really hard to make them special. 

I find myself doing the same thing. I start shopping around October, searching for just the right gifts to buy or make. I love the decorations, dressing festive, and all the yummy goodies. 

The dichotomy of all of this goodness, while also obviously dealing with the grief of losing my brother around this time of year makes every season just a little bit different. But as we near the actual day, I always manage to pick up steam. 

It helps when packages start arriving at their destinations and are opened. I heard from one dear friend just this morning. They had a small Christmas as a new family (she had her first baby this year!) and didn't want the moment to get lost with all the other family get togethers. 

Hearing her gratitude for gifts specially chosen for her and her family get me really excited for the day I get to spend with my family. 

This year it is with the in-laws and I get to prepare the Christmas ham for Christmas eve dinner. 

I have also received one gift that came via email, and it was very insightful to me. 

My dear friend got me a Barnes & Noble gift card. Which is easily a great choice, I do love me some books and it is hard to know which I have if you aren't me with my library system. 

But in the discussion with her I mentioned I was so excited, I've already started looking at what to get. Her response was incredibly insightful and truth be told, dead on.

"I thought you might enjoy the hunt."

Actually, yes, yes I do.

I also grew up hunting, and while I'm still a good shot, I haven't hunted game in years. Which is a shame in it's own right, I do appreciate fresh meat over processed stuff. But back to the point, I do enjoy the hunt. Searching for how to get the most bang for my buck, narrowing down the options, finding the result that leaves me so highly satisfied...

I do love shopping. Not just for me either. It's compounded when I get to shop for someone else. Finding something that just fits them so well that they didn't even think to put it on their list. Maybe didn't even know it existed. 

There aren't even words to explain how much I love hearing genuine love from others over something I've searched good and hard for. 

I get more excited watching people open their gifts than receiving them. Don't get me wrong, I love receiving gifts! It totally goes both ways. But the anticipation of hoping others love their gifts gets me every time.

So regardless of what holiday you celebrate during this season, I hope you find something that brings you as much joy and satisfaction as a well thought out gift. 

Project Updates!

Well, this week has been a doozy, and not just for me, it seems like. Something must be in the air or something. maybe it's holiday fever. I don't know. I DO know that it was a crazy one.

For example, my job is in jeopardy. Again. So while I am working on keeping my job and stepping up my abilities there, I'm also leaning a bit harder into my own thing. Can't put all my eggs in one basket. I'll give those updates in just a bit.

But first! Holiday fun!

In regards to the holidays, I'm mostly on track, I have one Christmas gift to finish making, then wrapping all the gifts going into the last package to mail before I start on the local Christmas gifts that I will wrap for family that is close by. I'm even sending out Christmas cards this year! Only to immediate family members, and there is less than 20, but it's my first time attempting it at all, so I'm super proud of myself.

I've slowed down a bit on Madamn unfortunately. I'm writing a new scene that I've been fighting for a long time, but I can at least see now that it is important, and it has been started. But goodness, it's hard for me to write. No spoilers here though. If people are asking, I'll talk about it after the book release. Today I do plan on working on it specifically. No other writing projects allowed (once the blog post is up).

What I've been working on instead of the novel itself is the Kickstarter launch! I'm tentatively looking at March for a launch, and it will be just a 30 day project to earn $1,000. I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make it, but am still considering lowering it to just $500. Then it will be 200% funded when I hit my actual goal! 😉 It's almost ready for pre-launch phase for people to follow and garner support. I've been working on that a bit more than I should considering the novel isn't actually finished yet... Then again, that is the point of Kickstarter, isn't it?

The last big project I'm working on is the launch party/Reader's Escape that is going to be taking place in the actual setting of the book, the Chateau de Guermantes. I'm hoping to have pricing finalized by today, though I do have an event on social media that you can follow here. I'm still chatting with the people in charge and I even get to take a virtual tour of the place! Which will be really big help circling back to the novel. I can add details that will make it so much more real and rich! I'm so thrilled with how all of the things are falling into place!

So that's my update on my projects for the week. I'm still planning on writing each week, but with the holiday prep getting close, we will see how that goes. So in the off chance you don't hear from me for a few weeks, I hope you are enjoying the holiday festivities and enjoying time with friends and loved ones. 

I get that it's not always easy during this time of year, but I hope that you find some bit of comfort and joy and peace during the holidays.

What a Crazy Week!

I'm not sure how I survived this week. It's been emotional as it led up to the five year anniversary of losing my brother in such a terrible, violent, and senseless manner. 

It's so weird to think he has been gone that long. 

On top of that, I attended my last writer's circle after being with this group of phenomenal women for about a year. 

That's not including the chaos that was my full time job this week. I get that it's always busy during the first of the month, but Monday our computers were down and we had to go old school, doing all of our transactions by hand, which made for a long day. 

Yet despite all of this, Friday felt like a Thursday. I am just really not ready for today. I had a good cry last night, but I feel a bit numb. I'm not sure how I will get any kind of work done.

It is the holidays, after all, there are gifts to wrap, cards to write, packages to ship, all in addition to novel writing. 

At least I can tick blog post off my list! Whoo! 

But after today, the worst of it will be over and I'll be able to move forward. 

Because every year, it's a good reminder to live moment to moment, for these are the only times that are promised. 

I still plan, I still prepare, I still grow.

Because I hope. 

I hope for a long and healthy life.

I hope for a successful career as an author.

I hope for children and grandchildren.

Even if it means they will never know their Uncle Travis. 

But I will. And I will love them and every moment I have with them.

So I hope you are able to celebrate something this holiday season and I hope that it's spend with people you love and that love you.