Ch-ch-ch-Changes

So I thought that I was originally going to be posting reactions to my Tourette's in this blog after a brief background and explanation. I never figured it would be one of those journey blogs, telling about the changes and coping and whatnot... I guess it might become like that. We will have to see I guess, depending on how much they plan on changing. Remember how I mentioned that I mostly have the vocal tick and just a slight physical tick? Well, I guess the physical tick was feeling left out. BTW, you should know there is a difference between a regular shudder from being cold, and my Tourette's shudder, so I can tell which is which. I have noticed over the past couple of weeks that the tick is showing up more often. Not only that, but it is starting to hurt. Not a fan of that part. I'm not too sure how to explain how it feels or what happens... I think the only way to explain it is like I am being grabbed from the inside.

I love my squeaks, they make me happy, but the shudder is starting to scare me. I'm not really sure what to do with it, how to react or anything. The other night as I shuddered, I really felt like I was being grabbed, and that, especially as a woman, scares me. And the feeling of helplessness because I can't do anything about it? Terrible. On top of it hurting? At least with the squeaks, they don't hurt. Not all of the shudders hurt either, but the fact that a few of them are getting to that point makes me wonder if this is something that will only get worse with time. Usually this is a good thing, but this time, the scary part is that I can't help it.