Playing the Part

Wow, how has it been another week already? I might be one of few people who feels like January has flown by.

There are times when I feel like working a full time job really constricts my ability to do the things that I want to do.

I want a clean house, I want a finished novel, I want to wake every morning without an alarm and feel rested, I want to exercise and cook better meals, I want to be out in the sunshine now that we are having a mini heat wave.

My time feels so limited and I'm amazed at how much of a physical adjustment this really is for me. It is helping me to become more focused during the time that I do have and I can be much more productive, but it is still really hard some days to make myself go to work. 

I even quite love my job. Had I started working at a bank before I published a book, I might still be saying, "Someday I'd like to publish a book."

It's so easy for me to feel confused and conflicted these days and I'm still trying to figure out so many things. 

It can be really hard to carve a space for yourself when there are so many boxes already created. The banker box, the writer box, the wife and mother box...

I want all of them. So I have to do some heavy renovations, which isn't always easy. 

Some days it just feels easier to allow myself to slide easily into one of the pre-arranged boxes and simply play the part. 

But I've seen better. And I want that.

I'll keep you updated as I try to figure out a better way to do this, but for now, I'm exhausted and it's a lot of hard work.