Wow, how has it been another week already? I might be one of few people who feels like January has flown by.

There are times when I feel like working a full time job really constricts my ability to do the things that I want to do.

I want a clean house, I want a finished novel, I want to wake every morning without an alarm and feel rested, I want to exercise and cook better meals, I want to be out in the sunshine now that we are having a mini heat wave.

My time feels so limited and I'm amazed at how much of a physical adjustment this really is for me. It is helping me to become more focused during the time that I do have and I can be much more productive, but it is still really hard some days to make myself go to work. 

I even quite love my job. Had I started working at a bank before I published a book, I might still be saying, "Someday I'd like to publish a book."

It's so easy for me to feel confused and conflicted these days and I'm still trying to figure out so many things. 

It can be really hard to carve a space for yourself when there are so many boxes already created. The banker box, the writer box, the wife and mother box...

I want all of them. So I have to do some heavy renovations, which isn't always easy. 

Some days it just feels easier to allow myself to slide easily into one of the pre-arranged boxes and simply play the part. 

But I've seen better. And I want that.

I'll keep you updated as I try to figure out a better way to do this, but for now, I'm exhausted and it's a lot of hard work.

Madamn Update

I don't think I had any idea just how much went into writing a novel.

Sure, I've written and published 4 books, but they were nonfiction. Those were relatively easy.

There is so much more to writing a novel, especially a historical fiction one. I spent so much time today just trying to get a decent timeline aligned. 

There are so many details to cover. In chapter 1 alone, which I spent this morning working on, had to make sure I lined up ages with Napoleon's 100 days and the leading up to the battle of Waterloo, learning that the summer of 1815 felt like winter due to a volcanic eruption in Indonesia. 

I had to change the year and a few detailed lines of description and dialogue before I could even worry about the character's introductions and personalities and leading into character development. 

This novel is important to me. I want to get it right.

But wow does it hurt my brain sometimes. 

And I worry about how long it is going to take me to finish and to get it released. Originally the plan was to release it August 22 of 2023. Which I obviously missed. 

August 22 is my main character's birthday and I want to publish it on that day. Will I make it by 2024? I'm no longer sure. I thought another year would be enough time, but some of these details just don't add up. Not to mention the lack of detail I have to add to the descriptions, the character development, etc. 

Pray for me. 

Send help.

Something. 

Paula Strikes Again!

It's been a long time since I've done a Tourette story post. 

So the fun thing about working a new job is having new stories from new people as they get introduced to Paula and get used to her. 

I've been at this new job now for about two months. Some people are already getting used to her. For example, my supervisor Amanda asked to meet with me for a check in and to see how I'm doing with onboarding and touch base about how I'm adjusting and fitting in, which left Bethany alone on the teller line for a few moments.

Amanda was telling Bethany where we would be if she needed us, but told her, "Don't yell for us though, I'm so used to Jessica screaming that I just ignore it now."

This has now become the joke around the office, don't yell, we'll just think it's Jessica or Paula screaming and ignore it.

I love my new coworkers.

Off to an Ambitious Start

New Year's Day I got ambitious. 

I downloaded a new app on my phone so I could scan and have a record of all the books that I own. I've been buying a lot of duplicates and I don't want to do that anymore.

Problem is, I already have a LOT of books. 

So far, I have scanned 836 TITLES, as in, that's not counting the duplicates I have found.

The crazy part is, I am not done. 

Even crazier, the app won't really register all the journals that I have, both full and empty. I have in my possession 21 journals that I have filled. Those are just the ones here with me, not currently with my parents. 

And it doesn't count the empty journals (or notebooks) that I also have. I haven't counted those yet, so I don't know what that number is. When I have a total, I'll let you know, but for now, this project consumes me. 

Short entry today, but I have to know my final total!

The curiosity is probably the only thing making me move forward on this project, because I'm kind of over it...

But at least it will be done and I will have a record of all my books!

Scanning them as they come in will be MUCH easier to deal with. 

Welcome 2024!

Ok y'all. I'm SO ready for this new year.

2023 was a bit rough for me. It was not my favorite. Sure, there were some high points and good days. I got back into blogging for one! Go me!

But I'm not going to pretend this year was all sunshine and roses, as much as I love both those things. 

Let's start with the things I'm excited about for the coming year, shall we?

I'm excited to have one job this year instead of several. I love my new job and plan on sticking with it for quite a while.

Second, I'm excited for the income that will come as a result of a full time job. Not only that, but finally allowing me to grow my financial situation. 2023 did a little of that, my husband and I are way better off than we were in 2022, to be sure. But we plan on keeping that momentum going. 

Next, I'm really excited about several projects I'm working on. Madamn, for one, which I hope to publish this year in August. But there is also a children's book or two in the works with my husband, and I am still working towards the publishing house, albeit much more slowly.

Most importantly, I'm excited to focus on my health. The events of this year have shown me that I really need to make this more of a focus. I've started a few habits that will help with this. I've noticed a huge change in my body now that I've had to give up dairy and gluten. 

More than just the diet changes, I'm excited to be working on getting stronger. In fact, STRONG is my word for 2024. 

I want to be stronger, not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and in the business sense, too. 

I want to not only start the year strong, but focus on growing that in all areas of my life and I'm so excited to see where I end up!

Not So Consistent, but Making Progress

 Hey friends!

Remember how I wanted to be more consistent, then got a new job and didn't write for a month? Yeah, it's been a doozy!

But just in time for the holidays, I think things are calming down a bit as I figure out a routine. 

I have Saturdays where I can really get some focused work done while I try to balance work and home life. 

Part of the reason I love writing so much is my ability to step away from those and create my own world. My office space just makes me so happy. 

I miss being here everyday, but finances are kind of a thing. So until my books are making me more than my work salary as a full time employee, I'll be masquerading as a bank teller by day. 

On the up side, I've found myself getting much more organized and having better systems in place so that it actually requires less time. 

That I'm loving.

So there might be a few changes and developments as I work on things, but know that big a great things are coming. I'm so excited to see where life takes me. 

The future is looking bright my friends!

Quality Time

 This morning I have been thinking a lot about Madamn.

More changes I want to make, things to include and clarify, stuff to remove...

And sometimes I am amazed that I am still feeling like I am in such early stages and frustrated that this is taking forever.

But isn't that... life?

Isn't that... history?

The more I study the past, the more amazed I am that people took so much time to do anything.

Not just DO the thing, but with QUALITY.

The details they put into buildings, dishes, clothing, even the quality of handwriting.

We still have many of these things from history, because the quality LASTS.

We live in a world where quantity is more desirable than quality. Where prolific is better than perfect.

Which is true, to an extent.

If that quantity improves the quality of what you are doing.

I have the quantity in my writing.

I have many, MANY journals dating back to when I was 8 years old. I have written blog posts, emails, letters, research papers, high school and college writing challenges, even social media posts.

I even have 4 published books.

I love those little books of mine, I really do.

I don't sell them like I should. I often get asked how they are doing.

Not well. And I know that's on me. I'm not putting the work in.

Because in my mind, they were practice.

They were research.

I'm not saying I'm waiting until I'm forty to publish Madamn, but some days it feels like it.

I want this book to be quality.

I want it to stand out.

I want it to last in literature.

One day I'll get faster at creating quality. I really hope my next book doesn't take me as long to write.

The thing is, Madamn is also research in a way. I'm practicing writing a novel, practicing fiction.

And the quality is only going to get better.

Because I'm taking a lesson from the history I'm writing about.

I am taking time to create a higher quality with details and flourishes that add to the story.

I have taken the time to practice.

I'm taking the time to practice.

And I am so excited to see the results.