This isn't my usual topic of conversation, but it's on my mind and I need to get it out of my head. More than that, I feel like this needs to be shared in general.

My mind is blown today. I had a conversation yesterday about someone who mentioned they gained weight in 2020 and got stretchmarks. She made it sound like they were the first she had ever gotten and was so disappointed with them. 

I've heard others complain about stretch marks from pregnancy and how embarrassed they were. On the flip side of these discussions, I've heard them referred to as "tiger marks" and they are proud of them.

To be honest, it also blows my mind. 

I've had stretch marks since I was ten years old. I remember waking up one morning with red angry marks on my stomach and I asked my mother what they were. 

She explained that they are stretch marks. More than that she explained that it was happening because my body was changing. I was becoming a woman and getting a figure. 

She made it sound so common, so normal. That for over two decades, I assumed it had happened to everyone.

Shortly after this, I was talking with a friend who mentioned her stretch marks from growing so tall.

In my mind, stretch marks are associated with GROWTH. 

It can be frustrating when we aren't looking for it, because growth and change is hard (anyone remember puberty or is it permanently blocked from your mind?) and often kind of just dumped on us when we didn't ask for it.

Maybe that's why we get so upset at seeing the growth our bodies are capable of?

Yes, I get that in the case of a skinny person suddenly gaining more weight and feeling unhealthy may not seem like a good thing, but our bodies often respond to the emotional issues taking place. 

Take for example gaining weight during the pandemic. There was a lot of change going on. It was hard and frustrating and scary.

But in all of that change, where we aren't moving as much, maybe eating more, and our bodies cling to the calories because it's in "survival mode" isn't this an opportunity to grow in our ability to give grace? Not just for others, which oftentimes seems easier, but also for ourselves.

Additionally, doesn't weight gain give us another opportunity to grow? As someone who has never been considered small by any means, I have also put on additional weight that I'm not happy with. Due to my car accidents this year (there have been two), I've spent much of this year resting. 

For the first time in my life, I'm taking my health very seriously. 

I am eating healthier and "cheating" less- and for me this is defined by eating things that I know are harmful to my body. I have thyroid issues that are aggravated by dairy, refined sugar, gluten, etc. I can feel a difference when I don't put these things in my body.

Once again, I am beginning to work out and strengthen my muscles, and I'm doing it in a way that is maintainable.

This isn't about weight for me anymore, it's about my health. This is growth. This is multiple changes. 

Truth be told, I've never really cared one whit about stretch marks. I've had them for a few decades. For others, they may be a sign that something needs to change. Or possibly that you have undergone changes. Perhaps they show a greater capacity for something in your life.

At this point, I'm not longer sure if my ramblings are making any sense.

However, I do know, that I felt the need to share a new perspective. 

Growth is not a bad thing. 

Signs of growth (including stretch marks) exist to remind us of that growth.

Thoughts on Creativity

Below is a Facebook post that I shared a couple of years ago. While this isn't the next book I'm writing, it is absolutely still on the list.

It's fascinating stuff and I know I needed the reminder, so enjoy.

I had some amazing thoughts today during my morning study and then more in the shower (of course). That's where all the best ideas happen for a reason.

But this morning I was having a conversation with Krissi McBride Anderson that sparked some amazing connections. Things were just clicking.

We were talking about ideas and creativity and writing. I mentioned that I'm working on another book about creativity and the connection with elements. She mentioned how things usually tie into seasons and she's been thinking a lot about seasons. And being me, I connected it to patterns and cycles and with all the research I've been doing on creativity and elements.

So I'm just going to give a brief summary because this is going to be a whole section of the book I'm sure! I'm still fine-tuning the ideas, but I can see it.

So creativity has 4 seasons, just like there are 4 elements. We know the 4 seasons, we know the 4 elements, but the cool thing is how creativity not only connects to each of these but flows along the lines of the same pattern.

First, we have spring.

Spring is obviously associated with a lot of WATER (there's the element) and growth. In creativity, this is a time for ideas. They flow like water, they grow and develop.

Then there is summer.

It's hot, the sun is up longer. With more time in the day, we tend to get more things done. This is the time when we have a FIRE under us to get more done. It's a time for action, implementing the ideas that grew during the spring.

Then comes autumn.

This is traditionally seen as the time of the harvest. We reap what we sow, and enjoy the richness of the EARTH. We receive payment for all the hard work we have put in. It is still a period of work to gather things in, it's just a different type of work.

Finally, we have winter.

A time of rest and recovery, yes. But oh so much more than that. It's a time where we suddenly do not have all of our days and time filled to the brim, and days are shorter. It's like there is all of this space (AIR). We start off with a celebration, then the rest just kind of drags on in January and February, right? As far as creativity is concerned, it is a time for play and trying new things, for filling that space. This is the period where we commonly have writer's block or creative lulls.

Don't fight it- use it! Because when we try new things and have new experiences... it leads us back to spring and a new flow of ideas.

BUT, that's not it!

These are the seasons of the earth, right? So if we take a step back and look at the globe as a whole, it might be spring in the northern hemisphere, but fall in the southern. There is more than one cycle happening.

Which for my and my busy brain with all of my projects, this is a fabulous revelation. I can be in the fall of one book project with the launch of my next book coming up, but am in the spring of my fiction novel and the summer of this project on creation and the elements.

I certainly have a lot more I could say on the topic (I obviously have a whole new book planned), but piecing this together with the seasons and seeing the cycle and pattern that comes up in our lives just has me absolutely buzzing with excitement.

Partially because if you have read any of my past work, it has built a solid foundation for these principles. Up a few lines, I mentioned not fighting it, but using it.

I wrote my first book after researching the effects of Tourette syndrome on communication. Fascinating stuff. I found that this incredibly awkward situation I was facing day in and day out was a beneficial tool if used correctly.

Tourette syndrome is something that most people are ashamed of and fight against what their body is trying to do in order to hide it.

I was tired of fighting against myself. I was tired of myself being my biggest enemy and what was holding me back.

When really all it is, is a tool that I just didn't know how to use correctly. The same goes for anything that I have in my life. I'm stubborn and for years, people have tried to get rid of this trait. Instead, it is also a tool to be used. I pick and choose when I'm stubborn now. I watch and see how it is going to benefit me.

The same goes for creativity and understanding the cycle that I'm in. Rather than staring at a blank page and blinking cursor for hours on end trying to force myself to come up with something to write, I can allow myself to be in that winter, see my need for rest or new ideas.

When I'm in a season of having all the ideas come, I don't have to feel scatterbrained. I write them all down until I can move into the summer of each of these projects.

Some seasons may be longer than others. Some may be shorter. And because Mother Nature can be funny, sometimes you can bounce between all 4 seasons in one day. But life is going to follow this natural flow and progression.

I'm seriously so excited to write this next book. But maybe you wanna go back and read my others first, they lay a great framework for all of this.

The Fear of New Things

 Whoops. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Do you ever plan a trip and get everything packed and ready to go, then the trip gets delayed by 4 days, so everything is just at a standstill and nothing gets unpacked and used unless it's necessary? Just me? Cool.

Anyways, that happened. 

But also, I have something new I'm doing and I'm super excited to share about it. I may just be behind on it, I don't think it's a new thing, but it's new to me.

I've joined a Writer's Circle!

There are 4-5 of us that share bits of our writing and give feedback. We have only had one meeting and I hadn't sent any pages, but these women are so awesome. They have so much knowledge and experience in the storytelling industry in various roles. 

I gave a brief introduction and explanation of Madamn and they are already so excited about this project. I love how quickly people get behind how exciting this project is. 

At the same time, it's incredibly intimidating. People are so excited about it, and I want to live up to those expectations and they hype that is already out there. It's very easy for me to get discouraged and I have more than once considered simply walking away.

It's terrifying. 

I know this is a good idea. I know it has so much potential and possibility. 

And if it fails, I know that it is 100% on me. No pressure.

My husband and I had a long talk about this yesterday actually. It was one of those times that I questioned if the manuscript was even salvageable and considered, yet again, simply walking away. 

But good news, today is not that day. I send my pages into my writing group today and we meet Monday nights over zoom to discuss them.

Happy Monday!

So if you have been following my recent adventures, you would know that I've had a bit of a rough go as of late. 

But that is something that I absolutely LOVE about Mondays. They are a fresh start. Mornings can be the same way.

I know, I can always pick up and start over any time I want, but some days, you just have to cut your losses, call it a bad day and curl up with a book, my cats, and some chocolate and hiss at anyone that interrupts.

There have been so many days lately that have felt like this. There has been a lot of reading and hissing going on while simply trying to keep up on the day to day important tasks.

This week though. I'm already so excited and in love with this week. I should hear back from the library about a position I applied for (I REALLY hope I get it!), I should have a new car by the end of the week (oh, how I neeeeeed this for my sanity!), I am taking a trip down south to visit my family, I have a new sign up for the Reader's Escape (just 4 spots left and it's full! YAY!) and I finally feel like getting back to work.

I have needed these wins. I feel like I'm finally making progress and about to move forward. I've been so much more productive today. I even did dishes and started some laundry... that I need to go home and finish. But I love being back in my office daily, this alone is making a big difference. 

I'll soon be back to giving updates on Madamn and how much progress I'm making and how much better it's getting. 

And it's only 2 PM! I can do so much more, even with periodic breaks for rest. 

I love Mondays.

Personal Life Update

 Hey there friend.

So, while I am an author and TS advocate, right now it doesn't pay all the bills. 

I've had a lot of odd jobs over the years.

I've taught voice lessons, worked in a mortuary (as the secretary), have done copywriting, worked at gymnastics academies, recruiting, RA/cleaning lady, sandwich artist, and cashiering, just to name a few of the more exciting ones.

But out of all the jobs I've had, the library positions have been my favorite. Of course. I LOVE being surrounded by books all day

I've had a few of these positions, but I've always had to leave when I moved, because I've done a lot of that.

Now that I'm married and a little bit more settled in life, I'm applying yet again for a local library position. 

I interview tomorrow. 

Pray for me and wish me luck!

The Problem with Research

 I love doing research. I love learning new things and the additional details that can go into my work as a result. 

Sometimes it works a little too well, though.

I just finished reading The Personal Librarian by Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray. I loved it. It was so well done and enjoyable to read.

But now I have to go back to my manuscript. Madamn needs So. Much. Work.

I almost wonder if it's even worth it. Maybe I should just scrap the whole project. Which I know I can't and won't do.

Ernestine would have a fit, for one.

Secondly, I will be miserable settling for something I don't love to do. 

But oh, how much I want to quit right now, knowing how awful this book is currently.

Good news, it can only get better from here.

Reader's Escape Update

Hello dear friends!

Good news, things are finally happening. All the circles and feeling stuck has finally started to shift. I am car shopping and have just 75 days before the reading retreat happens. 

I want to have a full retreat, and I have just 3 spots left to fill. 

Hosting these has been such a learning curve. They started small, but are continuously growing. It's the same thing that I mentioned in my last post. I may feel like I'm going in circles, but there is little bitty steps being made.

My first Reader's Escape had a grand total of 5 people (counting me and the cook). I lost quite a bit of money on it, but loved it. 

The second one I just barely broke even.

Now that I have finally learned some very important lessons, I am actually making a profit and can completely spoil those who are coming.

With any luck, next year I will fill up quickly enough that I have to book a bigger house. There are some luxurious places that can sleep 30 that I would love to use once I can fill it. Right now I have a total of 9 coming, but maybe in the next year or two.

I've had feedback that some people would love to come to Wyoming, so I'll be looking around my own home to see what I can find for next year.

I think that might be another perk of having to push back my release date for my novel. I can focus on perfecting this experience. Once it is done for the year, I can focus on really perfecting my launch for Madamn. 

There are times I still feel like I'm going in circles, but wow, sometimes I'm amazed at the progress.