Well, this week has been a doozy, and not just for me, it seems like. Something must be in the air or something. maybe it's holiday fever. I don't know. I DO know that it was a crazy one.

For example, my job is in jeopardy. Again. So while I am working on keeping my job and stepping up my abilities there, I'm also leaning a bit harder into my own thing. Can't put all my eggs in one basket. I'll give those updates in just a bit.

But first! Holiday fun!

In regards to the holidays, I'm mostly on track, I have one Christmas gift to finish making, then wrapping all the gifts going into the last package to mail before I start on the local Christmas gifts that I will wrap for family that is close by. I'm even sending out Christmas cards this year! Only to immediate family members, and there is less than 20, but it's my first time attempting it at all, so I'm super proud of myself.

I've slowed down a bit on Madamn unfortunately. I'm writing a new scene that I've been fighting for a long time, but I can at least see now that it is important, and it has been started. But goodness, it's hard for me to write. No spoilers here though. If people are asking, I'll talk about it after the book release. Today I do plan on working on it specifically. No other writing projects allowed (once the blog post is up).

What I've been working on instead of the novel itself is the Kickstarter launch! I'm tentatively looking at March for a launch, and it will be just a 30 day project to earn $1,000. I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make it, but am still considering lowering it to just $500. Then it will be 200% funded when I hit my actual goal! 😉 It's almost ready for pre-launch phase for people to follow and garner support. I've been working on that a bit more than I should considering the novel isn't actually finished yet... Then again, that is the point of Kickstarter, isn't it?

The last big project I'm working on is the launch party/Reader's Escape that is going to be taking place in the actual setting of the book, the Chateau de Guermantes. I'm hoping to have pricing finalized by today, though I do have an event on social media that you can follow here. I'm still chatting with the people in charge and I even get to take a virtual tour of the place! Which will be really big help circling back to the novel. I can add details that will make it so much more real and rich! I'm so thrilled with how all of the things are falling into place!

So that's my update on my projects for the week. I'm still planning on writing each week, but with the holiday prep getting close, we will see how that goes. So in the off chance you don't hear from me for a few weeks, I hope you are enjoying the holiday festivities and enjoying time with friends and loved ones. 

I get that it's not always easy during this time of year, but I hope that you find some bit of comfort and joy and peace during the holidays.

What a Crazy Week!

I'm not sure how I survived this week. It's been emotional as it led up to the five year anniversary of losing my brother in such a terrible, violent, and senseless manner. 

It's so weird to think he has been gone that long. 

On top of that, I attended my last writer's circle after being with this group of phenomenal women for about a year. 

That's not including the chaos that was my full time job this week. I get that it's always busy during the first of the month, but Monday our computers were down and we had to go old school, doing all of our transactions by hand, which made for a long day. 

Yet despite all of this, Friday felt like a Thursday. I am just really not ready for today. I had a good cry last night, but I feel a bit numb. I'm not sure how I will get any kind of work done.

It is the holidays, after all, there are gifts to wrap, cards to write, packages to ship, all in addition to novel writing. 

At least I can tick blog post off my list! Whoo! 

But after today, the worst of it will be over and I'll be able to move forward. 

Because every year, it's a good reminder to live moment to moment, for these are the only times that are promised. 

I still plan, I still prepare, I still grow.

Because I hope. 

I hope for a long and healthy life.

I hope for a successful career as an author.

I hope for children and grandchildren.

Even if it means they will never know their Uncle Travis. 

But I will. And I will love them and every moment I have with them.

So I hope you are able to celebrate something this holiday season and I hope that it's spend with people you love and that love you. 

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

Hey there friends! 

I hope the holiday season is off to a great start for you. As much as I love the Thanksgiving holiday, this week was kind of weird. I won't go too much into details, but the good news is that I did manage to get a new scene written for Madamn. 

Well, half a scene. But it made it to my Writer's Circle group I meet with and I have some really good direction about where to take it and have made some awesome progress with character development in this new scene. I'm actually quite proud of it.

So that is the direction I'll be taking today. I'm also super close to finalizing the pricing for Madamn's book launch and hoping to get some progress on the Kickstarter moving soon. I'm hoping to have it up within the next week for the prelaunch phase, so people can follow along and be notified of the official launch for the Kickstarter. 

I have some amazing things planned and you won't want to miss them!

The hard part is, it is also the holiday season. I do have some gifts purchased, they just need to be wrapped and shipped to those out of state. I'd like to get some decorating in, but I first have to do a bunch of cleaning around the house as well.

Besides, my husband is a bit of a Grinch and Christmas can't start until December anyways. Spoilsport. So things are getting fairly busy around here, which makes progress feel all the more reason to celebrate.

I hope this season brings you many reasons to celebrate, even if it feels like you are treading water. In stressful situations, anything checked off the list is a great thing. 

We got this!

Festival of Trees!

Hey friends! I'm keeping it short and sweet today. I have an event to go to tonight and preparations to make!

And maybe possibly try to get some writing in...

This week was kind of a roller coaster for me, so I'm really glad to be ending it on such a high note. I am not only attending this event, which is always a fun thing for me, but this year I donated a tree! I'm so excited to see how it does at the auction.

It's especially cool for me knowing that it helps our community. We are small here and only have a volunteer fire department, so funds from this event contribute to the well being of many. 

I'm so happy with how this turned out!

Here's to kicking off the holiday season right! Hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving this week!

Have You Ever Worked Customer Service?

I have worked customer service pretty much my entire life in one form or another. Odd for a writer, I know, but I love it. Most of the time.

But every once in a while, you have a week... kind of like this past week. It started off fantastic. I had Monday off for Veteran's Day. I have a lot of family members and friends who have served/are serving, so this is a special day for me. 

But after taking some time to feel and express my gratitude, I got SO. MUCH. DONE. I had over 10k steps in after doing some grocery shopping and Christmas shopping and a workout, some writing, some house cleaning... I don't even remember it all I did so much. I felt so good.

Then I went back to work. 

Because of the three day weekend, Tuesday was plenty busy. The short week felt like a full week, especially Thursday and Friday when I felt like I was running around in circles, running into trouble and inconveniences. Nothing went wrong, per se, it was just frustrating. 

Oh by the way, fun fact, my website (paulajeanferri.com) is apparently already involved in some legal issues, so that was also kind of chaotic this week. 

Luckily, I'm able to work through everything and figure things out.

I also had the opportunity this week to be reminded how lucky I am that I get to do all of these things. Not only because it's something that I love, but my neighbor across the hall passed away recently. I've been helping her family clean out her apartment and revisit memories with them. 

It is especially poignant to me know that my little brother's birthday is next week and we are coming up on the five year anniversary of his death.

It still hurts and it is tragic to see such lives cut short. 

Side note, my husband and I went recently to see the new Venom movie. Good show, but I cried thinking how much my brother would have loved it, then at the end they played a song that never fails to make me think of him.

What a reminder that life is so fleeting and how lucky I am to be alive. To feel like there is a divine purpose for me and goals that push me forward. I'm sitting here writing this as I continue to watch my sweet husband continue to haul things away. 

As my sweet grandma reminds me periodically, "If it isn't a matter of life or death or a matter of eternal consequence, it's simply a minor inconvenience."

What a Frustrating Week!

Hey friends,

So remember how last week I was with my family and selling books at the Pomegranate festival?

That meant that Sunday I had a 10 hour drive before I could get back to work on Monday. And what a return to work!

It was quite busy and I came home exhausted every day. Luckily, the husband helped out a TON, doing some of our laundry and making dinner. But the house is still a hot mess. 

I'm trying to keep positive in all of this and am at least glad I have Monday off work for Veterans Day. Which might warrant it's own post on Monday, but we will have to see. I would love to do that, veterans are super important to me, I've had several family members in the service and would love to honor them.

However, thanks to the other fun part of this crazy week, I might not. 

I have no wifi in my house currently. I have tried connecting all week and it just wasn't working. So now my to do list also contains looking into other options for wifi.

I'm currently typing this post on my phone. Typing with just my thumbs is not my favorite. I want my ergonomic keyboard attached to my raised laptop. 

So if the wifi issue has not been resolved, there will be no bonus post this week. 

I was realizing this morning as I made my to do list how long it was and how it has always been an issue for me trying to do all the things, and not having time for all the things. 

Again, trying to be optimistic, it does help me focus on what is really important. It doesn't make me happy about it though. 

I want to read all the books, have a spotless home, finish writing my book, have a ready to go campaign, go to all the events, crochet all the blankets, work on improving my health, snuggle all day with my husband... the list goes on and on.

I think that might be why I resent doing things I don't want to do, like cooking or cleaning. I know it's important, and give. Limitless time I might enjoy... but it is also not high up on the list of things I would rather be doing. I want the results, not necessarily the process.

Which is probably another reason not having wifi is so frustrating. It really slows me down to use only my thumbs instead of all 10 digits. I can type so much faster than this!

So I'm calling it for now so I can go work on other things and get some satisfaction from checking things off my list. Until next week friends!

Pomegranate Festival

Hello again. It seems I keep missing Saturdays, maybe I'll have to switch to another day. But yesterday, I was at the local Pomegranate Festival in my hometown with a booth to sell my books. It would have been decent, except that the booth fee was double what I'm used to paying at my local craft fair, not to mention they also charged tax. 

And I'm beginning to think this is just not the right venue for books. I still did make some money, but it's also possible that most of that was spent on Christmas gifts and pomegranate products. It is up in the air if I will do it again. By this time next year, I might not have to worry about such small numbers like what I saw over the past 2 days.

At least I made a profit and had a week to spend with my family. I miss being with them. It's hard to live so far away.

I know, that seems fairly rare in this day and age. I've seen all the memes about avoiding family at holidays, etc. I know I've been very lucky to have such awesome parents and grandparents. I'm bummed I don't get to spend the holidays with them, so at least I had this week with them.

Latest Update

Hey friend, it's been a minute! This past week got really intense, you here's a late update for last week. 

My first round of edits has been completed and I'm doing a bit more of a punch up and revision while working with a writing circle. 

Then I got to do a bit of traveling and it was really nice to get out of town for a bit. I got to see a silent movie with a live organist (check out the Organ Loft if you are ever in Salt Lake City) AND got to attend a reunion with my high school class. Well, half of them. It wasn't advertised super well. But those I did see, it was great to catch up with. 

I'm currently doing a few revisions and hopefully spending some time this week finalizing details for the Kickstarter campaign and Paris launch. Logistics are always the hardest part for me. Luckily I have a bit of help, but it's still taking way longer than I want it to. 

This coming weekend I'll be at a small town festival in Logandale, NV to sell some of my previous books and am excited to see how that goes! There are over 100 vendors and I hope to have a bit of time to wander around myself. 

Hope your week is fantastic and I'll be back in a few days with more updates.

Should I Make a T-Shirt?

Last night I went out with my coworkers to a fundraising dinner for my community. I love my coworkers, they are so much fun to hang out with, especially seeing them in circumstances that aren't professional.

We get along well even at work, but outside of work, it gets really fun.

And Paula does love her fun. So she had to make a few appearances, of course.

So for background, one of Paula's tics is a very loud and obnoxious laugh. Very similar to the laugh of Mozart in the movie Amadeus. If you are unfamiliar with the movie or the laugh, here is a compilation of all the laughs in the movie.

Basically, Paula sounded like she had a bit too much to drink herself, even though I don't drink. My coworkers had all had a bit of the wine provided at this point, so when she went off, I made a comment of, "Who needs alcohol? Paula's a party on her own!"

I actually don't remember if that was exactly it, I made the comment off-hand, not really thinking about it.

However, my coworkers LOVED it. One even said she wanted that on a shirt. 

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but maybe it might be a good way to start conversations and create some TS awareness.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, let me know if I should make a shirt!

These Are the WORST!

So I don't get embarrassed super easily, because Paula, right? But sometimes, I can get super embarrassed, even if it's just around my husband.

The thing is... it's just too funny not to share. So now that the initial embarrassment has worn off, the worst tics are the ones that combine with normal bodily functions. Like the trio where I burp, make a sound similar to the burp, the finish with a high squeak. 

Those are common and I've come to terms with those.

What REALLY got me this week, was a few days ago when I was home for lunch. My husband and I were both messaging people, when I barked, then instantly farted.

My husband was on the floor he was laughing so hard and I was beet red.

So that's all I have to say about that. It was awful, but my husband appreciates me.

New Tic Alert!

Hey friends! So fun story today because I'm not sure how much time I will have available tomorrow! I have a church event all weekend, it's one of my favorite times of the year. 

While 10 hours of religious discourse may not be everyone's cup of tea, I love this time to learn and grow and I'm convinced it helps me become a better person. 

So while I have some free time on Friday, I'll do my weekly post today! 

Anywho, Paula is always up for new tricks, we know this about her, right? I thought I had posted about one of the two new tricks Paula has been doing, but I guess I haven't shared it yet! 

So a few months ago, Paula started to notice how my boss opens a Rockstar energy drink every morning. Something about the sound tickled her fancy, and I started doing a "Tsss- Ahhh" sound that was whispered, sounding just like the opening of a can.

It was a bit of a change considering Paula usually is quite loud and proud of her presence. But the concept of a whisper must be her new thing, because she has started aggressively whispering nonsense and I find it hilarious.

It's never actual words, or even really coherent. Some times it starts with a gasp and will continue with something along the lines of "dah tsi bah" whispered quickly in succession. 

Paula never fails to keep me on my toes.

Some Antics This Week

Paula has been up to her trickster ways again, and it's been incredibly fun. Three new stories this week! It might be a record since I started recording these. And all three of them at work.

The first was with a coworker who is going to retire soon. I don't remember the exact conversation, only that she told me that, "You have less wrinkles than I do."

At which point, Paula started to laugh hysterically. Which was a bit rude. Not sure why she found that so funny, but it goes to show that sometimes she can be a bit of a jerk.

That, or she thinks that I have more wrinkles than my coworker. I don't think Paula was referring to herself given that she is around 21 at this point. Which explains more about her being a jerk than anything else. She is young, after all. 

The next story was with another coworker who loves Paula. To be fair, Paula loves her as well. So when Paula started to chatter, Magaly (pronounced Mah-GAH-lee) echoed what she had just done. Paula did NOT like that.

Magaly got a stream of chatter that sounded like Paula was chewing her out. 

Diva that Paula is, she doesn't like to share the spotlight or have her lines stolen.

The last story that happened this week was just yesterday. It's been a long week and I was quite tired, so at one point during the day, I let out a large yawn. 

A customer that was standing nearby said, "None of that, it's too early for that, you still have a few hours left in the day!"

So my snarky little Paula came to my rescue and let out a few chatters. The customer looked confused at what on earth had just happened, so I asked him, "Is that better?"

Poor fellow didn't get the joke, but my coworkers had a great laugh. 

Hey friends! It's so crazy to me how quickly time is flying by at this point. We are already almost through September! 

I do love September, it has always been a life changing month for me where everything starts to go better. Especially the dates in the 20's for some reason. Maybe because today is my half birthday, but who knows? 

I've finally started making some amazing headway on Madamn this week. I spent about 4 hours on Thursday night just churning out new words and fixing things up thanks to the help of my amazing editor. It's coming together so well and I'm actually enjoying reading my own book again!

Which makes me start to skip forward to the fun part. 

Come February or march, I'll be running a Kickstarter campaign to get funds for special editions and to help cover the costs of publishing. Then it's on to planning the official book launch party in Paris at Em's own chateau. I'm so freaking thrilled to do all of this. It's almost hard to do the actual writing part (which is kind of essential). 

So the forward momentum I've been having plus my favorite time of year means this coming week is going to be amazing!

Memories of Paula

Guys, I wish I had a better memory. Paula has had some amazing antics this week that have made me laugh so much.

That was entirely the purpose of this blog when I first started. 

But now that I sit down to write these "unforgettable moments" guess what happened?

I know that there have been instances at home. I know there have been instances at work. 

And I'm kind of crushed that those memories are already gone. Some were even just today. But they were so small and simple and well-timed, that at the time it only felt natural.

Isn't that just the way life is sometimes?

We remember feeling slighted by a coworker, or the stress of a busy day. 

But it's those small, natural, and easy moments that get forgotten. Yet those are the ones that can really make life worth living if we are willing to pay attention to them. If we are willing to take the time to savor them and remember them.

Life is full of good times.

I know I need the reminder to cherish these times more often.

The Song of My People

This week, Paula had some new antics. These days it isn't very often she does something new and memorable like this. 

So I work at a bank, right?

There are security guards that come through every so often and make updates with technological devices. Truth be told, I'm sure exactly what or what they were making note of, but I do remember the device making a little singing noise.

At which point the security guard says, "Yes, sing me the song of your people."

OF COURSE Paula had to make herself known. She always feels called to sing the song of her people, whether invited to or not.

It did bring a rousing round of laughter to a slow day at work, though.

All the New Things

This week has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. Sure, it was Labor Day and I had Monday off work. And it was awesome. My husband and I went out to the local hot springs in Thermopolis, Wyoming and it was fantastic. 

However, coming home, the front passenger tire decided to disconnect from the car. Sure, we were going slow, turning off the highway and only a few blocks from home, but Tuesday I was still a bit shaken from the accident, but it was busy, so the whole day was a struggle. 

Luckily, I survived and got myself a new desk! I've been using my kitchen table, but this beautiful desk is an antique. Over 100 years old and just stunning. It could use a bit of love, but I happen to have a handy husband who will do wonderful things to it!

I also realized that things are going to start creeping up on me, so I'm going to need to get my life more organized and start promotion for both the Reader's Escape in Paris, as well as the Kickstarter to promote the launch of my first novel. 

I can't tell you how excited I am about this book and how much I love the progress it has made since hiring people to take care of things for me. I'm so thrilled to have all of this happening!

Worth It? Maybe Not Yet, But It Will Be

What a week! I've been on a crazy emotional roller coaster, and I'm SO glad it's a 3 day weekend! I've been busy trying to delegate more tasks because I've been dealing with a ton of burnout. I've spent a lot more time journaling and crocheting (I learned how to make a granny square this week!), and generally trying to get my bearings.

There has been some drama at my full time job, but I really don't want to get into it here. On the upside, one of my coworkers is trying to get Paula to speak in Spanish. Not much luck yet, but there does seem to be a bit of progress happening. 

Madamn is suddenly making SO much more progress thanks to me finally biting the bullet and hiring someone to help me. And I can't tell you how much I LOVE the changes being made and how quickly it is progressing. Things are getting really good, really quickly and you should be getting excited about it. 

I've been getting a bit of help on my Kickstarter campaign and have help with planning the Paris book launch/Reader's Escape. Both of which are also coming along swimmingly. I am so ridiculously excited for the coming year! It helps a lot when dealing with stress and drama.

One day, it will all be worth it.

Well, This Is New

So I know there is a lot of buzz on the internet about this these days. A lot of people are dealing with it or have dealt with it, but I think I'm starting to understand for the first time what it is....

I'm not used to feeling this way, and I don't like how much it's affecting me. 

I'm talking about burnout. 

Usually I like to think I'm pretty good about balancing things out. And every once in a while, yes, I overbook myself with too many things and I have to cut back.

But this is the first time that I'm losing the cognitive ability to remember all the things I've committed to do, or even how to do them. 

I've been talking a lot about this with my husband and it's making a big difference to realize what is even happening. 

He's so great and has been so supportive. He has really stepped up his game to help out with so much around the house (he's currently taking care of all the laundry) and I have been able to step back and relax a bit more.

I even took Monday off of work so I can simply veg and do only the things I want to do, which may occasionally include something off my to do list, but doing it because I want to, not because I HAVE to. 

There is a big difference, you know?

Fun story, the past couple of nights, our phones have lost connection. Which isn't usually an issue, we are used to that when traveling across the wilds of Wyoming, but to not have internet access in my house and even phone calls and texting are kept at a minimum.

It's been wonderful. 

And it's making a difference. I don't feel like it was quite enough, but it was enough to validate my thoughts and say that I'm on the right track.

The irony of all of this is that this is the exact thing I'm trying to help promote with my novel and things like the Reader's Escape. So that's hilarious to me.

Anyways, here are we. I'mma go eat some cheesecake now.

Reader's Escape Report and Where I'm Going From Here.

Hey there my friend!

Not my normal day to post, I know, but I was at my Reader's Escape all weekend and didn't have any kind of service.

This retreat was wonderful, as they always are. This was the first event where someone actually flew in to attend. Which feels like a big step for me. It's not just a few of my local friends anymore, you know?

And now that it is complete, I finally get to move onto the big things. Thing, Singular.

Everything for the next year is going to be a means to an end. Everything is going to be focused on the release for Madamn. 

There are a few big projects to support this book launch. For example, next year's Reader's Escape. It's going to be a launch party. Slash birthday party for Em. At her home... as in her CASTLE in PARIS. I also plan on launching a Kickstarter. 

And for all of these projects, if I'm going to pull them off, I will need extra help and support. 

While my husband is awesome at this, I've reached out to a few friends of mine who have a particular set of skills in areas that I don't. And being able to delegate and outsource so much of these big ideas make me think that I might just be able to pull it off.

This might actually get to be really big!

Em's story is so important and has shaped the world we live in today, whether we know it or not. I'm thrilled to feel like the vehicle in sharing her inspiring and powerful life.

What is Essential?

I don't know about you, but this week was so intense for me! There was a lot going on at work, and while I started out strong, the chaos of it all started to wear on me. 

So, today I'm taking some me time.

My husband and I are headed to a neighboring town (as close as "neighboring" can get in Wyoming anyways) to attend a quilt festival! I've heard so much about this town, and I'm excited to see somewhere new after being here for a couple of years.

Sometimes it's just essential for self care to run away for a day.

Let it be known that I've still done the essentials. my sink is free of dishes, I have my weekly blog post up and have made progress in my writing. 

I'll get back into more things I would like to have done when I get back, but right now, I'm focused on the essentials, which are done and my own well being. I need the rest and recovery.

I don't allow myself this kind of thing often. I love what I do and I love to work. I feel so much satisfaction from a job well done. Especially since I tend to work on really big projects.

I hope you find some time for yourself today and that it brings you a bit of joy.

Here's to a Big 2025!

Happy Saturday friends!

I've had an interesting week, but am so happy to have a weekend to recover! Working a full time job while trying to write and grow a business is no easy task. 

I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about how I want to grow and scale my "side hustle" as a career. 

I want to be an author, yes. But I LOVE the publishing side of things so much more than the actual writing part. For years I've toyed with the idea of creating a publishing house, and I'm getting close to caving in and doing it. 

However, I'm not sure I can handle that with the year I've got planned, so I'm looking at that as an option in the next couple of years.

Madamn is set to release almost one year from now, in August of 2025. And because Em was a countess who seemed to do things large, I'm apparently going to follow suit and release the novel during her birthday and in her chateau, combined with my yearly Reader's Escape.

SO! Get your passports ready, we will be in Paris in a year!

I'm also wanting to launch a Kickstarter with all sorts of gifts and swag, so the next year will be quite busy!

It will be a great lead in to the whole publishing house idea, though, don't you think?

Keep your eyes peeled and be sure to follow along on social media for updates.

Paula Knows Her Place & Privileges

The other day at work we were discussing safety. What to do in case of certain situations, etc. During this discussion, my boss mentioned she is the only one allowed to scare us when she sneaks up on us (as she loves to and is prone to do). 

However, Paula wasn't having any of that. She quickly spoke up and voiced her discontent. 

I love that the people I work with know her well enough to say, "Ok, fine, and Paula, too." 

Having Paula around grants me certain privileges and I love it.

Anyway, short entry this week, I still have alot of work on Madamn that I would like to accomplish before the day is out and I have a family dinner tonight with my in laws.

Side note, can I just tell you how much I love my in laws?

It's a rare thing I hear, but I feel so lucky to not only have such a great husband, but I love his family, too. So I am looking forward to this dinner. Not to mention my cats also stay with my MIL, so I get to snuggle my kitties.

However, it does limit my time a bit today because I have also decided I need to place a higher priority on my health, so I took 30 minutes for a quick workout. 

But I did get to find all the books I needed as gifts for the next Reader's Escape (aaaaaand maybe a few more for me. And since my husband came with, he found a few as well...)

If you are wondering, we do have a full library between us with 1051 books that I have scanned into my tracker app and a few more that I haven't scanned. That is also a project I'm working on.

But enough procrastinating! On to Madamn so you can see just how cool this woman really is!

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

It's late, but it is still Saturday! This week was another one of those weeks where I had something scheduled every single day after long days at work, but I survived to tell the tale and am better off for all that hard work. 

I don't often do them, but having published 4 books and counting, I often get asked a ton of questions, to which I often simply refer them to my book Hard Earned Lessons Learned: A Guide On What I Wish I'd Known When Self-Publishing. It basically covers most things I know about publishing.

However, when asked nicely and people are willing to pay me for my time, I'm willing to answer questions one on one. I've had some great calls with people, so I continue to do them, thought I don't advertise them. 

I also have a writer's circle that I'm a part of as I continue to work on Madamn. I've made some huge progress and have started working with an editor one on one in addition to these weekly meetings. They have really helped to keep me on track and I adore the women I meet with every week. 

I do make some time for myself and have indulged in a crochet course with another friend who is teaching me the basics. I'm loving this and in addition to my ever present book obsession, I now have a thing for yarn. 

As late as it is, I do have some updates to make to my novel for my writing group and lots to do in between, so I'll keep this short and sweet this week!

Hope yours is wonderful!

Crunch Time!

Hey friends, sorry I'm late again! This past week and this coming week have been so intense. It's been productive, but there has just been a lot. 

Over the weekend, I went to Salt Lake to be with several friends and run a few errands. It was a quick 24 hour trip, then I came home to do dishes and laundry and a few other things around the house before starting the work week. 

The sad part is, I know I had big exciting things to share and that there was a funny TS story or two, but it's all gotten lost in the shuffle. 

This week isn't shaping up to be much better, I have appointments every night this week and while it is all super exciting, I'll have to give a better breakdown once I've had a chance to breathe. 

In the meantime, I hope your week is awesome and I'll update when I can.

Kintsugi & Paula's Antics This Week

Hey there friends!

I have been thinking a lot about Paula lately and how all of this got started. The blog, the books, and especially the lessons I've learned. You see, I've been invited at work to speak on a panel they are calling "Pride in Disability."

So I'm going back to the basics for people who don't know me or my story at all. I only have about 15 minutes to cover a topic I could speak on for at least an hour. 

The funny part is that Paula gave me some new stories to share this week. She is obviously also quite excited. 

Take for example yesterday at work. It was a little slower as we are getting to the end of the day and my boss made a comment that another coworker pretended to be offended by. My boss responded by saying she is the funniest person in this building. At which point, of course, Paula had to chime in, loud and argumentatively. 

So my boss continued, "Except for Paula!"

Because she really is. I know that I have been so lucky with my particular version of Tourette syndrome and not everyone has an alter ego with such great comedic timing and personality. 

Then again, that's not really the point. The point is more about utilizing experiences for your benefit, regardless of the experience itself. 

Experiences happen. Sometimes they are pleasant, sometimes they are not, but the point is that we are always made better for them if we can figure out how to utilize the experience. 

It's like the Japanese art of Kintsugi (sometimes called Kintsukuori). When a ceramic piece is dropped and broken, it was often put back together with gold, making it more valuable for the experience.

Take for example this beautiful pot that I got for my plants. I came home and didn't even have it inside before the handle on my bag broke, thereby breaking it. 

My sweet husband glued it back together before I could investigate a kintsugi kit (there are some available for purchase!), so to get the right effect, I painted over the cracks in gold paint. 

The first photo is the first coat, the following two after multiple coats and the overall finished effect.

This is absolutely how I approach life as a direct result of my Tourette syndrome.

Whoops! and Reader's Escape "Report"

 Soooo, I missed my blog post last week. Sorry about that. But it was for good reason.

I had run away to my Reader's Escape! It was a bit short, but oh so lovely. While there, I realized this is the FIFTH one I have led! and I swear they just keep getting better and better. 

This was also my first FULL retreat. I had no available beds. Not only that, I still had people interested and will have another one in August!

I'm so tickled to see these become such a hit and to keep growing. 

There are certainly still things I'm learning since every retreat has different people and a different dynamic, but they are always just so good. 

As much as I love having a retreat that is super close, I don't know that I'll do one here again. 

I much prefer the house we used last September. 

At the same time... I've had an idea. An itch in the back of my mind that seems to be pushing it's way forward to become a reality.

As I've started thinking about next year's Escape, I realized that I will also be (FINALLY!) publishing Madamn in August.

Which might make it possible to make the Escape much more interesting. 

Em's chateau is currently used as a business retreat space. Who wants to go to France???

In the meantime, here are a few pics from the Escape:

Simple Pleasures

I've had a rough week. Except I think it has actually been a couple of weeks. It's hard to tell anymore. 

I've read studies about how stress can be addicting. I know people like that. There is always something and if there isn't, they find something small to stress over. 

However, I've decided a long time ago that I do not want a life like that. I want to life a life where I can deal with stressful situations, but still manage a peaceful life as much as possible. 

It is easy to get caught up in the stress and events as they happen.

Yesterday I got a bit of a slap in the face. I had tried to ship a t-shirt to a friend of mine. She lives in Peru, but was going to be in the United States (where I am) for a short window. 

So I made the design for the shirt, sent it to a place that does shirt printing, then a week later, learned they never received the design, so I had to resend it. No big, I just had to pay a bit extra in shipping. 

Which actually cost twice what the shirt cost. My mistake, so I'm still not stressed about it. 

What stressed me out was when the package claimed it was delivered and my friend didn't receive it. I spent the next 24 hours on the phone with the post office, with the hotel, doing anything I could to track down what happened to this package.

As time got closer to her checking out of the hotel, I started to feel the pressure of the time limit. 

I actually got so stressed that I mentioned to my husband that, "Now I have to call the police..."

While my husband is incredibly patient, understanding, and supportive, he knew where the line was. He stood up and told me that I would not be calling the police. It is a shirt. We can take the loss and we will be ok.

You know, it's funny, just 20 minutes after that moment, after some tears and me calming down...

I received a photo of this friend with a huge grin holding up her shirt. 

I've noticed from this incident that I have been working too hard and losing sight of the things that I do for the simple joy, pleasure, and fun. I haven't done that in a while.

The good news is that next weekend I have the first of two Reader's Escape events this year. 

Which is part of the problem ironically, next year there will only be one. 

But I'm so excited to run away and to simply read for the pure joy of it with people that I love. I can't wait!

Balancing Acts and Juggling Plates

I have a problem y'all. I have a tendency to get excited about things. Lots of things. Usually all at the same time. Then I feel myself getting stretched thin and have to become a bit of a recluse to follow through on commitments I've made and clear some of my bandwidth.

I was noticing last night that I have a lot going on right now. 

So much that things are getting forgotten and falling off to the side. Which is a shame because I was so excited about them when things first started. And I still want to do them, I just have to clean things up a bit. 

I mean that both physically and metaphorically. 

I had to move out of my cute office space that I loved so much (the building sold), so my office is currently in  boxes around my living room and in my car. 

There are so many exciting projects I want to do for my own business.

I'm beginning to realize that while I can say yes to all of these amazing things, they can't all be done and completed right now.

I have this awesome ability to see the end and love soaking up the rewards of a job well done.

Work is fun. I'm lucky like that.

However, there is the process of the actual work and the time it takes to complete a project. That is the part I forget at times.

When I get asked about a project or have an idea, I'm pretty good at stopping myself and saying, Is this something I want or something I want to do?

The hang up is that I'm always picturing the end result, and yes, I want those rewards and payouts. But it often leaves me juggling a lot of plates simultaneously.

Luckily, I have done this so often in my life that I've developed a bit of a talent for it. And apparently I love to stretch myself, so I keep adding more plates.

But there always comes a time when I get overwhelmed and drop a few plates as I'm scurrying to keep up. Guess where I'm at right now?

So for the next few days and/or weeks, I'll be simply trying to tie up loose ends and pull things off the spinning plates.

I'm needing closure and finishing energy if I want to keep moving forward without having a full meltdown.  

Summertime!

Y'all, I love summer so very much! It's kind of killing me to have a full time job right about now.

Not only do I love the warm weather and the sunshine, I love how green everything is and how everything is simply buzzing with life. 

I got to smell fresh lilac bushes today for the first time all year!

So maybe we are more into spring here, but still!

I got to also attend a local farmer's market and art festival. I love being around so many people. I feel a slight buzz myself (nope, no alcohol, thank you!). 

It's actually so much harder to sit and write because I am walking all over this festival, walking to the library, walking to this shop and that to prepare for the Reader's Escape coming up in just a few weeks (!), and trying to increase my own health and stamina while I'm at it.

It's been a rough year. Last year around this time I totaled my cute little red Ford Escape and I miss it so much.

Huh. I just realized how often this word escape keeps making it's way into my vocabulary. 

Isn't it interesting how all these things come together? 

In other news, my office building has sold and I have to move. It's incredibly tragic and I'm really upset about it. I ideally should have been out yesterday, but this week has just been a bit too intense, so we are just getting around to it. Meaning the sooner I'm out, the better. 

It's already so bare in here.

This has been my sanctuary for the past year I've been here. Here's to hoping my new place will be just as good. 

With those updates, I'm signing off for this week but I'll be sure to update you next week on how things are going!

Goings On

So Paula is up to new tricks these days. I have a new trio of sounds that make it sound like I'm opening a can of soda. BUT as a result, my boss has been asking more questions and has even talked to corporate about me.

Apparently there is a monthly meeting for diversity and inclusion. I'll get to speak next month about Tourette syndrome and I'm so excited about it. I love public speaking. 

Some other fun updates, I've been able to spend this Memorial Day weekend with my family in southern Utah. It's been so good and so needed. My grandpa hasn't been doing well and I love being able to spend some extra time with him. 

Madamn is still a work in progress, but I've decided that I will be finished by the end of the year. Meaning I've hired a developmental editor to help me make more (and faster) progress. From there I'll be able to spend an entire 8 months working solely on promotion. 

I'm considering running a Kickstarter campaign and writing a short novella about Em's mother. She has a great story and I'm amazed at how many in my writing group are connecting with her as a parent and having no idea what to do with a child with an unnamed disorder. I'm loving it.

They are also really loving the character that is Paganini. He was a character indeed. As a world-famous violinist who was reported to have sold his soul to the devil for his talent, he would have gotten along very well with our "possessed" heroine.

I'm up this week in my writing circle, so Imma go do some actual writing now, but I hope you have a marvelous week!

Commitment & Discipline

Wow, y'all. 

Today has already really gotten away from me and I'm in shock that I haven't been able to get this post out and it's almost dinner time!

I have gotten a lot done, but I still feel so behind. 

However, despite my growing hunger and desire to eat, I am staying at the office to finish this blog post. I have made a commitment and I'm going to follow through with it. 

It takes a lot of dedication to write and publish a book. Then again, so does life. Life takes a lot of discipline, and I feel like that's a trait that society is losing. 

It's easy enough. I know I've had my moments where it would just be easier to stop. To give up or take a break. 

Don't get me wrong, taking breaks are important. But it does require discipline to start again. 

Which isn't always easy. 

Then it takes even MORE discipline to stay focused once you have started. 

Life it hard, y'all. But it's harder when you aren't putting in any effort. 

So I'm going to post this soap box I'm currently on, go to the store, make dinner for me and hubby, then try to get some actual writing in. It's the one thing I didn't accomplish today and I want that. I'm not sure if I will come back to the office, I might just take my laptop home. Either way, I've made a commitment and a promise to myself and I will see it through.

Happy Saturday!

Hey friends! I'm a bit later today posting because, well, it's FINALLY so BEAUTIFUL outside! I had a hard time sitting in front of my laptop when I could be outside going for walks or connecting with business folks.

I've wandered up and down Main for several hours, finding goodies to put in the gift boxes for the Reader's Escape, stopping for a quick bite to eat, and meeting new people. I'm just such a fan of this kind of activity and I'm beginning to think I'm more of an extrovert than I have ever realized. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my time alone. I need space to read, to write, and now, to crochet. 

But oh, how I love talking with people and learning new things and seeing the town in a new way. It's really quite marvelous.

As far as an update, I had my first crochet lesson and loved it. Huge fan so far. I also met with another author friend of mine and we are considering some work together. I've asked her to be a developmental editor for me and she has some work that I might be able to help with, but nothing is set there, so more on that later. I hope.

I'm finally sitting down to do some of my own writing. Now that I'm doing TWO Reader's Escape Weekends (did I mention this? The first sold out, so I opened another!), I have been trying to keep things straight and organized. So far I'm surviving. 

But I'm getting very excited for this coming week and to be able to see the progress with how everything is coming together.

I hope you are doing something today that absolutely lights you up and that you have a marvelous week!

Unusual Perks

I have a lot of things that I love about having Tourette syndrome. Don't believe me? I literally wrote a book about it. (You can get it here)

NOT included in the book is something I realized just this week while at work. Being a bank teller is awesome and I love it. However, there are some days that are slow. In those days, I've noticed that Paula is much more active. Which is great, it helps keep all of us awake and it breaks up the monotony.

That's when it hit me just how great having TS really can be. 

It doesn't just break up the monotony of the work day, it does this to my LIFE. 

It is constantly evolving, keeping me on my toes, giving me opportunities to laugh and to meet people. 

Isn't it wonderful to have something like that?

Life can be such a struggle sometimes. It's easy to fall into a routine, to feel stuck, to do the same thing day after day and week after week. It's frustrating, especially for someone like me who gets bored easily.

Lucky for me, Paula is really good at shaking things up and giving me new experiences. 

Side Quest Idea

So I am part of a writing group that meets on Tuesday evenings. I love these ladies and have been making huge progress on Madamn thanks to their input. One piece of advice I'm constantly getting is more description. It is a first draft, so I was mostly sketching out the storyline, so that makes sense. 

But after a few rounds with the group, each chapter is getting some real depth and I'm super happy with it by them the time I'm finished. However, it's a bit slower, we've only gone over chapters one and two as well as the Prologue and Epilogue. We are currently in chapter three.

Anywho, during this week's gathering, there was a lot of discussion around Em's mother, Eulalie (pronounced OO-la-lee). I shared a bit of her back story as to why she is the way she is... and they wanted more. 

So now I have a tiny side quest going on, where I'm going to start writing a novella with Eulalie's story. She really is such a fascinating character to learn about and write. She was only ten years old during the French Revolution. She married and had children young, so I have tried to portray her with unresolved trauma and PTSD, which was also not a thing at the time, and just as misunderstood as what is now Tourette syndrome that her daughter deals with.

I don't want to make this a full series, so this will be s short little precursor. I love that the characters I am creating are getting such a response from the readers, but I have other incredible women I want to write about and lots of characters to create. But I do think this will be a fun side project to infuse some new energy in to a project that is feeling a bit stalled and dull to me. 

Glitchy

Hello there friend!

Sorry I missed Saturday, I tried and tried, but apparently either Blogger was down, or there was some other tech glitches. So you get a midweek post instead! 

But I've decided I need to get my life together when it comes to working on Madamn. I feel like most of my life has been pretty glitchy. I try and wake up in the mornings, but end up sleeping an extra hour. I make plans, but life interrupts and says, "sorry, try again."

However, I've noticed that I have been pretty wishy-washy in my commitments to begin with. So now I'm setting things in stone and making a firm commitment. I have given myself deadlines and have gotten the ball rolling so that I can keep those.

I've finally hired a developmental editor and am doing a ton of rewrites. 

The thing is, life is still throwing things at me. I've had a ton of pain already this week, lots of meetings popping up, and work getting all sorts of crazy. 

I've noticed the more committed I am, the more these outside forces slow down.

However, today is not the day for these things to slow down. Which means I'm off to get some writing done!

Thanks for being here!

Hello Again

Oh hey there friend. Sorry I missed last week. It had been a long, rough week and I didn't have the bandwidth to do much at all, much less do any writing. 

Thankfully, a weekend of good rest did wonders, and an easier week at work means I am back!!

So lots of good news, this week I filled my Reader's Escape! This is the 4th time I've run this retreat and it has grown each year, but this is the first time I've sold out.

And I still have people asking about it! So I'm considering doing another one in August. Would you come if I did? Comment and let me know.

More good news, I've felt so good this week, meaning my health is improving. After last year and all the issues I had, it's exciting to finally feel like I'm on the mend and improving. 

I had a wonderful experience this week where I saw a mentor of mine speaking on stage and I was so excited to chat with him afterwards. However, I woke up before that actually happened. 

But it left me feeling... grounded. Grateful. Centered. Peaceful. 

This mentor is someone I worked with from about 2016/2017 ish until about 2019. He was the first mentor I really invested in a lot. He introduced me to some awesome key players in my life. Once, he noticed I was having a bad day and he even called me.

However, at the time, I was inconsolable. And then a few months later, my brother was murdered, which put me in a deep, dark hole. 

I haven't actually talked to this mentor since that last phone call in 2019, so he never knew how helpful it really was or how grateful I was for it.

He has gone on to do big things and is virtually untouchable at this point. So I have no way to really communicate with him without spending more than I am comfortable with. So I wrote a letter to him in my journal.

I wished him well and I love seeing him succeed and create such an awesome life for him and his family. I'll always be a fan and cheer him on. 

However, in the past few years, I've noticed a big change in me. One that is no longer wanting to hustle. I'm still doing the same things, but at my own, much slower, pace. 

It's comfortable. Peaceful. Happy. 

I've been studying the biological difference between men and women, and while his program is effective, it is certainly better suited for men. 

The more I lean into my own unique talents and abilities as a woman, I see more success. And it's a much more broad sense of success. 

Not only do I see more book sales, which is awesome and what I was trying to achieve working with this mentor, but I see greater health, I see deeper relationships, I see more of who I actually want to be.

Meaning, in a way, this was actually a bit of a break up letter. 

So it's been a great couple of weeks for me. I hope they have been wonderful for you as well.

And I'm excited to see where this week takes me!

Time and Change and Reminders.

So this week was interesting for me in many ways...

First of all, the changes that Paula has adopted. She has been very active this week and quite loud. My poor coworkers have done a lot of jumping. But over the course of the week, instead of the high-pitched sounds that people around me have come to associate with Paula, they have deepened into my normal register.

Which isn't particularly saying much, I do sing high soprano, but it's getting harder to distinguish between sounds I'm making and sounds Paula is making. 

I can still tell, but my coworkers aren't entirely sure.

So that's exciting.

Second, I had a weird experience with time. I have some eye issues (obviously, I wear glasses). You know how when you accidentally look at a glare, you see that shape and are temporarily blinded? I did that with a shampoo bottle the other day. 

Which sent me into this weird spiral about losing my vision, and how many years I have left to live as I currently do. Not only that, but knowing that is the best case scenario. I've lost several siblings and friends before their time. 

You just never know when your time is up. 

Then I started thinking about how quickly time flies. We are already a quarter of the way through 2024. We are almost a quarter of the way through this century!

I realized the other day that I'm as far from attending high school as I am from retirement. I have never been one to despair about aging. And I do not fear death.

I am worried, however, about accomplishing all of the things I want to and making sure that the most important thing is staying the most important thing. 

It was stressful in a way, but also a good reminder to me. Especially on the week of Easter Sunday. I am religious, so this experience made me all the more grateful for the resurrection and the concept of eternity. 

Book Club

So random fact, Amazon is beta testing book clubs. Excuse me, it's "early access." I've been leading one of these book clubs since late 2021 specifically for Writing & Creativity. 

I'm actually kind of proud that I've been able to keep it running, even if I sometimes have to add on an extra month once in a while. I attempt to update the book every other month. Sometimes it might be 3 months.

BUT, the really exciting thing is I was snooping around the other day. I somehow managed to get 93 members in this book club, and it looks like it's currently one of the larger groups about writing and/or creativity!

Honestly, I'm a little shocked, but excited about it. I'm finally getting members with really great suggestions (as opposed to those who join simply to suggest and promote their own work, whether or not it has anything to do with writing). 

Anywho, I'd love to have you join us! I liked the group above. Can't wait to see you over there!

Downton Abbey

So my husband and I have been binge watching Downton Abbey. it's such a well-written show, with well-thought out characters and so much detail in every aspect of the show. It's actually given me some great ideas for my own writing with Madamn.

However, even though we just finished season 6 (we just have the movies left), there was a quote much earlier on that is still ringing in my head. It was when Lady Mary asks Mr. Drewe to take on the pigs as a responsibility on his farm. Lady Mary says to him, "I'm afraid we've made more work for you."

To which Mr. Drewe gives a wise response: "Work is like aging m'lady. It's the worst thing in the world except for the alternative."

Now, with aging, this is a very obvious statement. Aging is awful and difficult. I've always been surrounded by a lot of old people. Their stories are part of why I love history so much. But I tell you what, it is not for the weak. It is no easy task. But compared to death, yeah, I'll take aging.

But work... what is the alternative? Not working? Funny, that seems to be what most people strive for these days. To do the least amount of work possible. 

But have you also seen the incredible spike in side effects? As a society in general, there is so much more depression, anxiety, corruption. yes, I know these aren't ALL caused by a lack of work. Some may even argue that work is the cause of many of these things. 

But when we look at the historical patterns over time, empires with the greatest amount of leisure tended to have the most corruption and shortly fell into ruin. 

And it isn't necessarily about wealth. Yes, the wealthy were fairly idle, but because they weren't doing any work, they manipulated their way into having others do more than their fair share. 

Basically I want to separate these ideas of wealth and idleness. 

I know plenty of wealthy people who work incredibly hard, pay others a fair wage, and lead happy, fulfilling lives.

And I know plenty of poor people who avoid working at all costs, living off the support and hard work of others. 

Money's not the problem.

Work ethic is.

I find I agree with Drewe. It can be the worst thing in the world to feel like I have to work full time. Especially not in my chosen career. 

But it is absolutely better than the alternative.

It's been amazing to see my life improve financially, which supports my physical, mental, and emotional health and allows me to pursue my dreams much more effectively. 

But when that day comes that I can financially survive without a full time job, you can bet there will still be plenty of work for me to do. I refuse to be idle and place any kind of burden on others without being able to pay them a fair- no, generous- wage for the work they do for me. 

And in turn, I'll be doing plenty of my own work to support others.

History and It's Effect on Today

I've been thinking a lot about history as of late. In fact, my husband, his mother, and I had a discussion about this on our way to Wal-Mart in the next town over. It is no secret that I'm a huge fan of history and the ways that it can teach us to be better humans. 

No, people of the past weren't perfect. I don't want to completely idolize the people of different eras, though I know it might sound like I do on occasion.

But the thing to remember is that they were people. 

They had friends, they had struggles, and they did the best they knew how with the knowledge they had. 

My husband and I have been binge watching a lot of Downton Abbey as of late. Great show. Awesome writing. All of these characters bring forward many of the issues faced during these bygone times. 

In fact, it may even be slightly downplayed. This is a very progressive family for the time period they lived in. 

History has seen some terrible things. I'll not deny it.

But as my wise grandmother told me growing up, "Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater." People were doing the best they could, you know?

There is no way to know what choices you would have made in Nazi Germany, during the Revolutionary war in America, during the Salem Witch Trials, or in those time periods in a very different location. 

It's a little bit like Google Maps. You can take the little yellow guy and drop him anywhere in the world for a street view. What if it had the ability to do the same with time?

The thing is, it can't. Any place and any time that would have been your life would have taught you different values, had different experiences...

Living in the world we live in today, we have the benefit of hindsight. We see the morals and values and like to think we would have done things differently. 

But would we? Really?

All we can do is learn from the patterns that cycle and repeat throughout history.

They are always there. 

I grew up in a religious home that taught me about one pattern in particular that we referred to as the pride cycle. Civilizations throughout time would go through a period of Peace and Prosperity, then fall into Pride and Wickedness. Which then puts the society into times of Destruction and Suffering, leading into times of Humility and Repentance. Which brings us back to times of Peace and Prosperity. 

Around and around we go. It works on the level of civilization, but it works in our personal lives as well. 

It taught me to look at my life and where I was on this cycle, but also to pay attention to what was going on around me. Objectively and without judgement. I know I'm far from perfect. I look to see the times of peace and prosperity or struggle, destruction and suffering.

The crazy thing is that they often overlap. 

Every person is in a different cycle at any given point in time. There were many times when I was in a phase of peace and prosperity, but my brother was struggling, and we would often flip and circle around each other.

So it doesn't work to look at our own individual suffering. 

There does seem to be an inordinate amount of suffering right now, but it is also important to remember what causes so much suffering. It comes from making bad choices.

That's a vague term. Who defines "bad"? 

Well, trick question, I think it can be both individuals as well as universal truths that aren't chosen. 

If I want a certain result, I can make choices that take me towards or away from that result. Which would be the "good" or the "bad" decisions. 

But also, I believe that there are laws that govern human nature and the universe. 

Which is again something we see as we study history and the choices that were made throughout the ages. 

Aristotle is quoted as saying, "It is our choice of good or evil that determines our character, not our opinion of good or evil."

I can only conclude that regardless of what we think is good or bad, there are morals that we choose to follow or disregard. 

And we can see the themes of what those morals are as we study the rise and fall of civilizations across the world and across time. 

Watching from others is how we can then learn how best to make the choices we need to achieve the results we want.

History is important and I'll die on this hill. 

It's Been Too Long

Hey there friends. Sorry I missed last week, I was taking care of my parents last week. At the time, they were both on knee scooters due to foot issues. 

Dad just got cleared to start walking again and Mom is doing well after her surgery last week. 

Then I came home from this week long "vacation" and jumped right into work, before getting so sick I couldn't function. 

So it feels like forever since I have written, well, anything to tell the truth.

Not even in my journal.

Which is horrible.

It's been interesting to kind of watch myself these past few weeks, even before my time off. I've noticed that I don't have as much to say when I do journal. Least of all anything worthwhile. 

It used to be I would journal for hours every day and have some of the most interesting ideas and thoughts come into my brain.

Now it just feels full of cobwebs and muddled at best. 

Working full time is changing me, and I fear not in a way I want to be changed. It's taking real effort to make myself come down to my office to get any work done at all. 

I'm starting to feel... lost. Overwhelmed? Maybe more like disoriented. I'm not sure.

I just know that I don't like it. 

I want things to be simple and clear again. Which isn't going to be easy. 

Luckily, I have the world's best husband who is supportive and knows when to worry about me and what I'm doing to my own mental health. 

We both took some big steps today towards taking care of our mental health. He has his own things he needed support in, too. So here I finally am, writing at 7 pm so that I can get my writing in today. I'll be back to full strength before you know it!

Watch me.

Research Findings!

Today I learned the difference between a family crest and a coat of arms. 

One would think this would be common sense for someone who loves history as much as I do, but don't judge me. There are so many details that it is easy to get lost in the different time periods and locations.

My husband and I were having a conversation about this last night. In all of my schooling, I think most history classes ended with WWII, maybe shortly after, providing a brief touch on the Vietnam war. But it was always rushed at the end of the semester. 

But oh, the history of so many foreign places and the many, many details that are easily glossed over... but I digress. 

In my research for Madamn, I was searching for her coat of arms. Surely a family such as hers would have one. 

Aaaand I found two. Or so I thought. Turns out, both websites had sources to verify their information, I was getting confused by not distinguishing the family crest from the coat of arms. 

So if you are like me and not sure the difference, a family crest is a much more simple design that is often found within the family coat of arms. 

Again, both websites were able to provide sources and verify these images as belonging to the Prondre family, so while the design doesn't seem to match perfectly, I can absolutely see it. 

Prondre Family Crest

Prondre Family Coat of Arms

Sometimes Paula Can Be Sweet... Other Times Not So Much

Wow, what a week! I'm amazed that I have so many Paula stories this week! 

While my TS is often active, it's not often that something "new" happens. Paula has gotten used to her same old tricks. 

After being such a snot to my coworkers, Paula decided to fix her reputation and do something kind of sweet. Yesterday as I was leaving for work, my husband told me he loved me. Before I had a chance to respond, Paula decided to pop up with her version of "I love you.' 

Which means, she had the right tone and timing as if I had said it, but didn't quite get the words. They were squeaks that sounded like I had said it. 

Turns out, she just has her favorites. 

She was super sweet to my husband, but by the time I got to work and throughout the day, Paula became quite mean to me.

My physical tics were all over the place and quite strong. 

I was getting quite sore from the repetitious moving and jerking. Looking back, it might have been due to the caffeine I had that I don't usually consume. For this very reason. However, I hadn't slept well the night before and was worried about being able to, you know, function. 

Luckily, turns out I was able to find something that helped by the afternoon. 

Once upon a time, I got really into essential oils, so I have a bunch, mostly collecting dust because I don't use them too often. However, I happened to have a small bottle with me since I had also already woken up sore and was willing to take a bottle just to see if I could get my muscles to relax. 

Since I didn't know what I would need, I just grabbed the whole box of 10 oils I have and ran out the door to work.

I put on some Frankincense oil when the tics started to get really bad and to my great relief, things calmed down AND I managed to stay awake and function during the rest of work. 

I might have to carry this stuff around more often, just in case.

Bonus Post! Paula's a Jerk

I know I usually post on Saturdays, but today Paula was a bit of a jerk, but it was also kind of funny and I had to share. 

Today at work, a couple of ladies that I work with where talking about a customer. While one of them (we'll call her V) was at lunch, the customer was shocked to learn that V is retiring in April. They even went so far as to say, "But she's younger than I am and I'm not retiring! She's younger than YOU and YOU aren't retiring!"

This was said to another coworker (we'll call her J), who is retiring next year because she is, in fact, a year younger than V. 

So as J and V were discussing this conversation, J says to V, "It's because you have less wrinkles than I do..."

At which point, Paula jumps in with her "laughing" tic. Luckily, neither J nor V heard this outburst over their own conversation, but the entire group of ladies that I work with turned to me with wide eyes and open mouths.

My own eyes bulged as I turned deep red, covering my mouth as soon as I realized what was being implied. I was so embarrassed!

Playing the Part

Wow, how has it been another week already? I might be one of few people who feels like January has flown by.

There are times when I feel like working a full time job really constricts my ability to do the things that I want to do.

I want a clean house, I want a finished novel, I want to wake every morning without an alarm and feel rested, I want to exercise and cook better meals, I want to be out in the sunshine now that we are having a mini heat wave.

My time feels so limited and I'm amazed at how much of a physical adjustment this really is for me. It is helping me to become more focused during the time that I do have and I can be much more productive, but it is still really hard some days to make myself go to work. 

I even quite love my job. Had I started working at a bank before I published a book, I might still be saying, "Someday I'd like to publish a book."

It's so easy for me to feel confused and conflicted these days and I'm still trying to figure out so many things. 

It can be really hard to carve a space for yourself when there are so many boxes already created. The banker box, the writer box, the wife and mother box...

I want all of them. So I have to do some heavy renovations, which isn't always easy. 

Some days it just feels easier to allow myself to slide easily into one of the pre-arranged boxes and simply play the part. 

But I've seen better. And I want that.

I'll keep you updated as I try to figure out a better way to do this, but for now, I'm exhausted and it's a lot of hard work.

Madamn Update

I don't think I had any idea just how much went into writing a novel.

Sure, I've written and published 4 books, but they were nonfiction. Those were relatively easy.

There is so much more to writing a novel, especially a historical fiction one. I spent so much time today just trying to get a decent timeline aligned. 

There are so many details to cover. In chapter 1 alone, which I spent this morning working on, had to make sure I lined up ages with Napoleon's 100 days and the leading up to the battle of Waterloo, learning that the summer of 1815 felt like winter due to a volcanic eruption in Indonesia. 

I had to change the year and a few detailed lines of description and dialogue before I could even worry about the character's introductions and personalities and leading into character development. 

This novel is important to me. I want to get it right.

But wow does it hurt my brain sometimes. 

And I worry about how long it is going to take me to finish and to get it released. Originally the plan was to release it August 22 of 2023. Which I obviously missed. 

August 22 is my main character's birthday and I want to publish it on that day. Will I make it by 2024? I'm no longer sure. I thought another year would be enough time, but some of these details just don't add up. Not to mention the lack of detail I have to add to the descriptions, the character development, etc. 

Pray for me. 

Send help.

Something. 

Paula Strikes Again!

It's been a long time since I've done a Tourette story post. 

So the fun thing about working a new job is having new stories from new people as they get introduced to Paula and get used to her. 

I've been at this new job now for about two months. Some people are already getting used to her. For example, my supervisor Amanda asked to meet with me for a check in and to see how I'm doing with onboarding and touch base about how I'm adjusting and fitting in, which left Bethany alone on the teller line for a few moments.

Amanda was telling Bethany where we would be if she needed us, but told her, "Don't yell for us though, I'm so used to Jessica screaming that I just ignore it now."

This has now become the joke around the office, don't yell, we'll just think it's Jessica or Paula screaming and ignore it.

I love my new coworkers.

Off to an Ambitious Start

New Year's Day I got ambitious. 

I downloaded a new app on my phone so I could scan and have a record of all the books that I own. I've been buying a lot of duplicates and I don't want to do that anymore.

Problem is, I already have a LOT of books. 

So far, I have scanned 836 TITLES, as in, that's not counting the duplicates I have found.

The crazy part is, I am not done. 

Even crazier, the app won't really register all the journals that I have, both full and empty. I have in my possession 21 journals that I have filled. Those are just the ones here with me, not currently with my parents. 

And it doesn't count the empty journals (or notebooks) that I also have. I haven't counted those yet, so I don't know what that number is. When I have a total, I'll let you know, but for now, this project consumes me. 

Short entry today, but I have to know my final total!

The curiosity is probably the only thing making me move forward on this project, because I'm kind of over it...

But at least it will be done and I will have a record of all my books!

Scanning them as they come in will be MUCH easier to deal with.