I have the best time at work. I have so many funny experiences there, and the more it happens, the more I see people loosen up about my Tourette Syndrome and about me in general. I'm kind of weird. The other day I had Chris laughing so hard he almost wound up on the floor. We were sitting in the break room at work and I let out a couple of small tics, no big deal. Then I let out a loud one, which was immediately followed by a burp. I guess being the only woman working in the men's department makes something like that a little more shocking than if you knew me around my family. Of all the noises that I make, I think that was the last one Chris was expecting from me. The tic followed by a burp happens fairly often, and I think it is hilarious to watch how amusing other people find it. It is just like a tic to me, it just happens.

When I explain TS to someone who has never heard of it, I will usually compare it to other bodily functions that just happen like a cough or a sneeze. You can't control them, but you are aware of what is happening. You may even be able to hold back a cough for a while, but not for long, it eventually has to come out. Isn't a burp another one of those bodily functions that just happens? The timing, however, is quite entertaining. My TS certainly has a personality of it's own and the comedic timing is what makes all of my funny stories possible. It's not me, I just can't help it!

Short Story

No really, shortest post ever. The other day, I did a shoulder tic. My shoulder thrust forward so fast that my earring fell into my lap. I was partially amused. A little worried that my tics increase as I am getting older. Pretty sure I will survive though, so mostly amused. :)

Ward Prayer

I love Sundays. I love the break from the rest of the week. A day I don't have to work, yet still have places to go and people to see. The ward I am attending for church gets together every Sunday night for ward prayer- a prayer, some refreshments and socializing. This past Sunday at ward prayer was particularly entertaining. I was chatting with my new friend Jeff, and the topic came up of Tourette Syndrome. I think we chatted about it for a good 20 minutes. I explained what I do, how often and other things, so Jeff definitely knew that I have TS. Just 5 or 10 minutes later, I had a nice, long, loud tic. I think I sounded like a dolphin. Since I was in the middle of a conversation with Jeff, I was looking at him when the tic came. His eyes got wide and even started to cower back as the noise continued. We had JUST talked about this, so his surprise caught me a bit off guard and I started laughing. Joanna and Sister Hughes commented from across the room, and we had a good chuckle. Jeff then asked if that was real, he thought I was pulling his leg or testing him or something. It was then that Cassy piped up and asked what was going on. She had missed the conversation on TS, and had only caught the conversation about television. She thought I was "imitating 'Switched At Birth' or something," which caused another round of giggles.

Cricket

I make funny noises and I can't help it. Although sometimes, I can. Not my TS, mind you, but odd noises of a different sort. In the last  meeting of church, we are trying to get to know the girls in the ward better, so they started doing spotlights. This particular Sunday I was in the spotlight. One of the questions asked about hidden talents. I have the silly and useless ability to chirp like a cricket. I have been compared to many animals since developing TS, but a cricket is not one of them. I was then asked for a demonstration. I was amused by the reactions. This group of people at church didn't react a lot to my Tourette's, but they reacted a lot to my chirp, and it was funny how similar the reactions were to other people encountering my TS for the first time! I was thoroughly amused. It's interesting to see what affects different people in different ways. I don't know what the difference is between the two noises in their minds, but it was big in some. One member of the bishopric actually asked me to do it multiple times after church for others who didn't get to hear it. I am on occasion asked to do this with my TS noises, and I am unable to comply in those instances, but Bro. Garrett seemed to enjoy this noise quite a bit. And it's funny to me that I still can't help it!

Temple Flashback

So I have had Tourette Syndrome (well, been making noises and it was noticeable) since I was 17. So I had TS for a while before I started writing this blog. There are so many good stories that I need to sit down and write about before the memory completely disappears. Hence today's post! In my original post (the very first one) I mentioned a few stories that I would come back to. Today is the lucky day!! The first one is about my first trip to the temple.

It was May 2007. My TS had been evolving and changing, as well as becoming more frequent. This particular day in May was no exception to that. Maybe it was the nerves/excitement of going through the temple for the first time, but I was certainly on a roll! I was going off possibly about every 5 minutes or so as my mom and I drove around the city of Las Vegas running errands before we actually went to the temple.  I can't think of anytime since then that they have been that active! However, once I stepped inside the temple, something changed. I don't know what it was, but suddenly, I went quiet. Trips to the temple usually take about 2 hrs or less, but the first time through, I think it takes about 4 or 5 with everything that is going on. And NOT ONCE in those 4 or 5 hours did I make a noise.

That is not the end of the story though. It is one thing for the TS to come and to go, maybe I was just done for the day and that would explain my silence. What stands out most to me about that day is the dinner I had with my family afterwords. Those that had come to be with me in the temple that day came to dinner with us at Olive Garden. I love Italian food. Almost as soon as we had gotten our seats, I squeaked. We all had a good chuckle at the confused waiter. And they kept coming. And coming. As before, they were coming every 5 minutes.

That was the point where I quit worrying about them. I had been getting more and more curious as to what was going on, and my parents were very concerned, which did affect me as well. Not after that day, though. All worry and concern on my part stopped. My line of thinking went something along the lines of how Heavenly Father loves and respects these sacred places. If He cared enough to silence these noises for so long so I could focus on what was going on around me, He would surely do it again if there was ever a need for it. He knows me. He knows what these noises are, and He has it under control. I have never worried about them since. I have been free to laugh and enjoy them without any reservation. So while He may have control over them, I still am kept on my toes and I can't help it.

Beginning Again

Wow, more than 2 blog posts in the same month! Hopefully I can be more consistent like this. I think it helps that, once again, I am beginning fresh in a new place with new faces. There are new stories happening as I work my way into the social scene, and better yet (if you could say it's better...) there is no job or classes getting in the way of my blog time. Hopefully that will change soon, I do need a job.

Anywho, so on to the stories! Being in a new place, I had to find out where to go to church. I accomplished this last week and today was my second Sunday in the ward. Last week, sadly, nothing happened at church. No squeaks ---> No reactions. I did squeak at an activity that night, but for some reason, no one responded. It was quite unfortunate. I'm pretty sure it was heard, but no one even glanced my way. I was even in front of the treats that had been brought out!! Double weird.

This week, it happened. The girls in the ward (or the few that stuck around for the last meeting) were introduced to my Tourette Syndrome. I was sitting near the front, so I only saw the reactions of the Relief Society Presidency. The girl sitting next to me laughed as the girl standing in front conducting the meeting literally jumped back and then took a step away. The wide eyes of all 3 in front were amazing. After a quick giggle, I explained simply that I had Tourette Syndrome. I don't even know if anyone else knew what it was, but the girl in front obviously did, since she came to apologize after the meeting. I wonder how many don't know about it and how many new friends I will make because of my Tourette Syndrome. I can't help it if I make people curious.

Down Sides

Ok, so the whole new blog post took longer than a week. In all honestly, I can't remember exactly what I was going to mention. I know it had something to do with negative aspects or TS that I am starting to see. A couple even coming from my beloved squeaks that I love so much. I am beginning to see how children that have TS at a younger age may view them differently than I do. I have been living at home all summer, and I haven't been around my parents so much since I graduated high school, as my tics were beginning to emerge, much less the state they have reached. My dad cannot stand them. He has a really rough time with them, I don't think he really understands the concept of me not being in control of what I do. I can see him getting really frustrated when they get particularly loud and high pitched. It's understandable, it hurts his ears. Once I even caught him attempting to cover my mouth. That was hard for me. It kind of hurts that my dad doesn't understand and I don't like seeing him so frustrated about it. I'm not sure if I am more hurt or upset about it. That comes from the part I like about Tourette's!

On top of that, I am discovering other things that are suddenly much harder to control than they used to be. For the first time in my life, I have color coded my closet. The more organized I try to become, the more I see the OCD, and I am getting so particular about details being in place. I color coded the shirts I hang, and was going to walk away and work on the next project involved with moving. I didn't want to do that to my whole closet, but I couldn't just leave half of it undone. I had to do the other half. It was weird to have this struggle going on about something as silly as organizing a closet! I had so many other things I would rather have done than color code my closet. Really? I don't see it as a big deal, but I couldn't stop myself, and I couldn't leave until it was done.

Having moved in with my Aunt Sara, who is very organized, I am a little worried about my OCD getting out of control. I wonder if the disorganization in my life helped keep me sane and functional. Is this going to start getting in the way of me living my life? At least the perfectionism would benefit as I search for a career...

The most distressing part I am noticing does come from something I read in my Disconnected Kids book I have been reading (which I have still not finished... whoops). Anywho, the book talks about half of the brain developing faster than the other half, right? Well, that also affects the development of emotions. I hate emotions. I hate crying with a passion, and for the most part, I have detached myself from my emotions, because once I feel one thing, I can't control them, everything hits at once and it is overwhelming. I can't handle emotions, that is why I shut them off. It caused quite a bit of trouble for me at one particular point in my life and I can see it happening again as I try to deal with breaking off my engagement (Oh yeah, by the way... that didn't work out). It hurts, so I cry, but I hate crying so then I get angry, then the logic tries to take over and say, it's ok, I need to cry and this makes sense and thus starts an ugly spiral of negative emotions and arguments inside my head going back and forth trying to figure everything out until I get so exhausted nothing makes sense anymore. Then comes a snapping point. I try to keep that in check, but I can see how it could become violent, because that is the only way to get out and escape from your own mind. I have had urges to smash glass, tear books, kick, scream, hit and so on. Keeping it in doesn't really help matters much. I don't know what to do with it all. Definitely down sides that I just can't help.