Sunday, April 19, 2015

My tics change periodically. I have spoken about this before. Occasionally I have a tic that sounds like I just got the wind knocked out of me. It sounds, even to me, like something is wrong. I would be worried if I heard that noise coming from someone close to me. I know that nothing is wrong, I can tell it is just a tic. I have not done this particular tic in front of anyone else (that I recall anyways) so I don't know how anyone is going to react when it gets heard. I can imagine it scaring someone, especially if they cared about me.

I have never been very good at this little thing called trust. I once went through a phase trying to improve my ability to trust, because it is something really hard for me to do. Now I kind of feel like I am on the other end of that, and I am learning a lot about trust from a different angle. It's kind of funny considering it hasn't happened in front of other people yet! I am realizing just how much one small noise can affect someone. I don't think I realized how much my noises could affect others, just because they can sound like something scary. It would be scary to hear someone get the wind knocked out of them, especially if you don't see what happened or know what is going on. Especially strangers. They have no idea what is going on, even on the smaller (or bigger) noises that don't sound like anything scary. Sometimes looking at what might happen scares me just as much as the noise might scare the other person. TS levels the playing field in a sense I guess. I am slowly becoming the creepiest person I know, and I can't help it.
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