Ups n Downs

So I know I started this blog to tell the funny stories that happen and the funny reactions I get, but there is an up side and a down side to everything. Today, I am going to share the down side. I was mistreated about a year a half ago, and have been bad mouthing since, but I want to stop. I will record the story, and that will be the last time it is shared. I want to move on, to forgive and let go. Hopefully this will be a step to help me do that. I share this story just to get it out and be done. Not to discourage anyone from following this career path, or doing anything that they want to do, I don't want to sound bitter. It was just a hill I had to climb on the path of life or something cheesy like that. I am a better person because it happened.

Once upon a time, I had made the decision to be a social worker. I wanted to work with and help people. I took the classes I needed to apply for the program and was accepted. There were 4 professors in the Social Work Department. I had taken a class from one of them and he had explained to the other 3 about the noises I made. I didn't know at the time it was Tourette's, I just made funny noises. So I started my first semester as a social work major. I liked my classes, my peers were super fun and we enjoyed our classes together.

The trouble started in my class talking about working with individuals. The professor was talking about that powerful moment of realization when there should be silence, letting things sink in or something like that. He then turned to me and said, " Do you see why your noises would be a problem here?"  I was so embarrassed! What else could I say? I said yes just to move on, but really, what if someone sneezed in that "special moment"? They have about the same amount of control that I do over what happens. I tried to forget about it and move on. Then I was talking with another professor and she had some questions about it. I am fine with answering questions, a lot of people do. I didn't like her questions though. I had seen three doctors who didn't know what it was, but she asked if one of them was a psychologist and if there was maybe some sub-conscious reason I was doing it. I hated feeling like she thought something was wrong and needed to be fixed and that I was doing them on purpose for some reason. Once again I tried to move on and forget about it.

The kicker came when the head of the department pulled me aside and told me he wasn't sure if they could place me in an internship (translation- I can't graduate in social work) because of the noises I made. I was already overwhelmed with a bunch of other things that were going on in my life right then, so I quit doing homework. I still went to my classes, I just didn't have time to do anything outside of class with everything else I had going on. I simply failed all my classes and decided to change my major. I had no idea to what at the time. By the time I had taken off Spring, Summer and First Terms, I had sorted out my life and tried to register for classes. I was unable to do so because I had failed all of my classes, and the school wanted me to see the school psychiatrist, just to be sure I won't fail all my classes again.

I went knowing it wouldn't, but I did gain a lot from my visits with Dr. Orr. He was the one who officially diagnosed me with Tourette's, first of all. Second of all, he was madder than I was at what had happened. I had always been of the mind frame that I wasn't allowed to be angry at things that happened to me. Once he got so upset, I realized I could be upset because that was wrong. That act was hypocritical, and against all social work is supposed to stand for. I got angry and hurt and have since been badmouthing the social work department. Dr. Orr visited with the head of the social work department and was told that they had simply asked me for paperwork. First of all, I never heard one mention of paperwork, which made them liars in my mind, as well as putting paperwork before people.

If anything, I was the type of person they were trying to help. They were turning away a good social worker who could have related better to those they were trying to help. The more I thought about it, the madder I got. However, I was forgetting the good things that came from this. I found a major that much better suits me and the things I want to do in my life. There are so many good things that came. Social work was not for me, but that doesn't mean that other people won't thrive in it. I was just lucky to get out of it while I still had an opportunity to be in school. I am so much happier with my life now and where it is headed. I'm so blessed and I just can't help it. :)