I love doing research. I love learning new things and the additional details that can go into my work as a result. 

Sometimes it works a little too well, though.

I just finished reading The Personal Librarian by Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray. I loved it. It was so well done and enjoyable to read.

But now I have to go back to my manuscript. Madamn needs So. Much. Work.

I almost wonder if it's even worth it. Maybe I should just scrap the whole project. Which I know I can't and won't do.

Ernestine would have a fit, for one.

Secondly, I will be miserable settling for something I don't love to do. 

But oh, how much I want to quit right now, knowing how awful this book is currently.

Good news, it can only get better from here.

Reader's Escape Update

Hello dear friends!

Good news, things are finally happening. All the circles and feeling stuck has finally started to shift. I am car shopping and have just 75 days before the reading retreat happens. 

I want to have a full retreat, and I have just 3 spots left to fill. 

Hosting these has been such a learning curve. They started small, but are continuously growing. It's the same thing that I mentioned in my last post. I may feel like I'm going in circles, but there is little bitty steps being made.

My first Reader's Escape had a grand total of 5 people (counting me and the cook). I lost quite a bit of money on it, but loved it. 

The second one I just barely broke even.

Now that I have finally learned some very important lessons, I am actually making a profit and can completely spoil those who are coming.

With any luck, next year I will fill up quickly enough that I have to book a bigger house. There are some luxurious places that can sleep 30 that I would love to use once I can fill it. Right now I have a total of 9 coming, but maybe in the next year or two.

I've had feedback that some people would love to come to Wyoming, so I'll be looking around my own home to see what I can find for next year.

I think that might be another perk of having to push back my release date for my novel. I can focus on perfecting this experience. Once it is done for the year, I can focus on really perfecting my launch for Madamn. 

There are times I still feel like I'm going in circles, but wow, sometimes I'm amazed at the progress.

What to Do When You Feel Stuck?

I've been feeling stuck lately. 

Like I am both in a rut, but also moving in circles. It's not my favorite thing.

There was one day this week that I was on the phone for FOUR HOURS, and the only things I accomplished were that I should not complete the paperwork for my insurance, because they might have sent the wrong stuff, and that the bank was going to be a headache, so I chose the easiest option, even if it made things a bit slower.

Productive day.

But it wasn't just that day, especially in regards to my novel. It has been a MONTH.

Poor Madamn is just sitting and it's all my fault. (I have a strong guilt complex I'm working through).

It's hard to get back into it. 

Like the conditions have to be *just so* before I can open it up again. Which I know isn't true, logically. That's kind of silly. But that doesn't stop the distractions and self-sabotage.

Because I stopped in a place knowing that the book isn't any good... right now. Somehow my brain is filtering out those last two words though. 

I know it's not just me, I'm not the only one that deals with this kind of thing. 

Which is why I have joined my very first writer's circle. It's being run by a friend of mine, Andrea Frazer. I need the accountability. I need someone else to count on me to get it done. Andrea loves this project, she has been supportive and on board since day one.

In fact, she is the one who came up with the clever title for my book. In the meantime, I keep making blog posts when I can and keep trying to heal my body and look after my health.

Somedays it may not feel like I am making any progress, but if I take a step back, it's there.

I'm losing less hair (turns out shedding is a side effect of thyroid stuff), I'm seeing the energy cycles in my day and can plan accordingly, I feel warmer (not just because it's summertime), and many other micro steps.

I still have days without any energy, and if I get off track, my entire day feels derailed.

But there is progress. 

This blog post itself is proof of that.

The growing number of views and visits is proof of that.

There is always a silver lining and something good happening if we are willing to look for it.

This made my month!

 Story time!

Yesterday I got a package in the mail. From FRANCE.

It was a full book about the Guermantes castle .

It was published in 1961, and some of the pages aren't even cut! Along the top mostly, bit some of the sides are also not cut. So crazy.

BUT the really exciting part was the photos.

There are new ones of staircases and bedrooms that aren't online.

There are photos of Ernestine’s grandpa.

And father.

And mother.

And younger brother.

I have TWO photos of Albertine. Her older sister that plays a prominent role in the novel.

And I about had a seizure when I saw...

A.

Photo.

Of.

Ernestine.

Herself.

She is an old woman in this photo, but I may or may not have cried.

This. Woman.

Who was key to us having a diagnosis for Tourette syndrome.

Who lived through SEVEN different forms of French government.

Who swore like a sailor as a woman of the noble class.

And I have possibly the only photo of her. I can't find another anywhere, despite years of searching.

This woman who has been as much of an angel to me as my own brothers.

OK, I definitely cried.  

Here are photos I took of Em and her sister Albertine.

They are found in a book called:

Guermantes de Louis XIII à nos jours

by VERNES Suzanne

Life Changes

 Life can be funny sometimes. Not only funny, but circular in a lot of ways.

After college, I started working full time and would blog and write my book after work, or early in the morning if I was feeling particularly ambitious.

There were a few periods of time where I would quit working full time so I could work part time (still gotta pay bills) and work more on my books and growing as a business owner. 

I got to a point where I have been able to stay just part time for several years now. I haven't worked a full time job since 2020. 

It's been great. I have loved so much about the growth I've been able to experience. 

However, I have discovered that I don't really want a full time business. I don't want to be some kind of book coach. Or create online courses. Or any other things that coaches say you should do to make money.

Honestly, I just want to write and tell stories. 

These other endeavors were taking up so much more time than any job ever could.

And while I love working part time and writing on the side, it just doesn't pull in enough funding. 

So I've made the decision to go back to full time work. 

Not just for me, but for the family I want to create with my husband. 

The only part that I'm a bit worried about is the time. It does mean less time writing. Especially since I'm no longer single and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. 

My time is going to have to be much more organized. 

I still want to come to my office every day. I still want to make sure I'm posting more consistently here. Just know, if I disappear, I'll be back.

I'll always come back. I can't stay away from something that I love so much.

Reader's Escape Update

I know it's been a minute. Healing has taken a toll on my body and my time that I've been able to devote to things I want to do. I just haven't been in my office to access my laptop and the interwebs like I would like.

However, this has allowed me to do a bit more journaling and research on my phone and come up with some new ideas. I've been able to play with some of my favorite pens- I'm really feeling the quill dip pen as of late. 

But in the time I've had, I discovered a new gift I want to share at the Reader's Escape in September. 

So I have these awesome gift boxes set up, right? I'm so excited, I'm loving these products myself and I'm excited to share them.

Part of the problem with having a whole year between retreats is the cool stuff that I keep finding. I want to add more to the gift boxes, but the budget isn't always there, so I have to pace myself. But I discovered something the other day.

I have 5 more spots open for the retreat. When I fully fill the retreat, I will absolutely have the budget to put one more (pretty large) gift in the gift bags. 

That being said, here are some lovely photos of the place we will be staying (from the AirBNB website).

Amazing, right? It's gonna be so good!

Picking up the Slack

 This is the longest gap I've had since determining I would be more consistent writing. Because life happens. 

Story time!

I ended up taking a very last minute trip to southern Utah to see my family. Everyone was down there, including my husband. We had a great weekend playing croquet, badminton, and exploring a cave museum.

When I got packed up to go home, I took the backroads to avoid Memorial Day traffic and left at 7 AM. What I didn't consider was how high the river is due to all the extra snow this winter, the fact that it was right next to the road, or that deer generally are in that river in the morning.

I hit one that jumped from the river right in front of my car while I was going 70 miles per hour.

I wasn't even 20 miles from my parent's house. How lucky that I was so still so close to a support system!

I'm ok. All things considered, I'm doing way better than I should.

The guy behind me said it looked like a bomb went off in my car with things flying everywhere. My hood flew up and shattered the windshield, but also stopped the deer from coming through.

I was in a no-service area, but the guy behind me had a satellite phone to call highway patrol. Another gentleman had stopped who was going the opposite direction. I gave him my parents address and asked him to tell them to come get me.

My car certainly was not drivable. 

I did enjoy spending extra time with my family, even if I was incredibly sore.

But that's it. I'm sore. I have whiplash (obviously) and lots of muscle tension, but no broken bones, no cuts, no bleeding... I didn't even bruise!

I'm feeling so, so blessed to have come away so lucky. 

I feel very protected. Random fact about me, I have lost three of my four siblings. One was stillborn, one was suicide, one was murdered.

The birthday of the stillborn brother was the day before the accident.

In all of this, I could feel all of them around me. And a few other angels as well. I'm sure Ernestine was there protecting me so I could continue to work on her book (but the release date will be pushed back). 

Possibly a few others who want their books written as well. 

It was not by any means an easy experience, but seeing the miracles and feeling so close to so many has been a good reminder for me about a lot of things.