Confessions

I watched a video today. It broke my heart. It was a ten minute video a guy with Tourette Syndrome posted about his life. There were so many times when I absolutely related to what he said. There are other times that I couldn't. His case is so much more severe than mine. It almost makes me feel like I do not suffer enough with my Tourette Syndrome in a weird way. Like I am less because I don't have to deal with as much as he does. I understand this is not true, but the heart and mind don't always match. The video is just so honest and raw.

Don't get me wrong. I do love Paula. I do enjoy having Tourette Syndrome, but there are some days that really are hard. There are something that terrify me. I hate driving. I don't mind it if I am on a freeway I have travelled a lot. I am terrified of stoplights. Every. Time. I hate being on roads I am unfamiliar with. Getting lost makes me tic more. When I tic and drive... my tics get more physical than vocal. Which is why I hate stoplights. I need to blink more. Blinking is not the right word. My eyes clench. Or I have to rub my eyes. They need pressure. How they get that pressure is irrelevant. Problem is, I am then terrified the light is going to change while my eyes are not on the road. I try to keep them open til I am past the light, and as much as possible. It's not easy by any means.

I love my car. It takes good care of me.

I still drive. However, any chance I get, I will hitch a ride with someone else. Especially when going to a new location. I am also willing to offer rides as well, it's only fair after all. Doesn't mean I like it much. I am however, glad to know I am not alone in TS affecting my driving confidence.